Us and Them or We

My Precioussssss

I promised to my deeply close friend yesterday that if I ever get married, our friendship would remain the same. Intact. Unchanging. Because how could I ever let it go astray?

However, a review of the married ones around me suggests that perhaps I made that promise too quickly. The reason being is that at that stage of life, priorities change. In fact, it is conservative to say that the vocabularies used by the married ones would consist mostly of “family”, “children”, “spouse”, “love”, and “responsibilities”. And for some reason, “friendship” seemed to be out of place or is regarded as less significant in comparison to the bigger, more important fundamentals.

I am not saying that the married ones don’t have friends. That’s just a stupid sweeping statement to declare. What I am saying is that it does seem that when you do get married, the time given in spending moments with friends gets lesser and lesser every year. But the cause is reasonable. When you have kids, you don’t have every Friday to dance at the latest, trendiest club till the break of dawn. When you have in-laws, you don’t have every Sunday to just eat brunch with friends at Bangsar. There is no argument to that.

But the sad part is, where does that leave us single, unmarried ones? Is it fair that because we are not at that stage of life, we get discarded and shelved until there is time to hang out with us? Are we indeed not as important as we used to be?

I really don’t know the answer. At the moment, the majority of my deeply close friends are not married yet. And the emphasis here is the word yet.

But, Ms V, do not worry. I am here for you whenever you need me.

Inspired by Sifu

Howdy neighboor!

10 FIRSTS
1. First Best Friend : Zahrin. Shared a common, fanatical interest for Transformers. Plus, he was the only kid in the neighborhood who had a Nintendo back then.
2. First item you stole : A Mario Bros eraser from a Duty Free Shop (Felt like a convict after that.)
3. First pet : When I was two, I had a pet cat. Can’t remember its name, but I remember throwing things at it.
4. First piercing : Two studs on the upper part of my left ear back in college.
5. First school : Pakistani International School (Beijing, China). Every morning, we had to sing Pakistan’s national anthem. How cool is that?
6. First house location : A government quarters in Petaling Jaya. I seriously think that place was Monyet Land (monkeys were everywhere!)
7. First Crush : A Norwegian girl name Aino. In second grade, we had to walk to the cafeteria holding hands, and she was my hand-partner (giggle giggle).
8. First Kiss : Very late. When I was 16. With a Mexican-American girl (giggle giggle).
9. First Car : A red hot Volvo. It was madly pimpin’!
10. (Hey Sifu, what happened to the 10th item? Huhuhu…)

9 LASTS
1. Last time you smoked : Cigarettes? Last month. It was only one stick.
2. Last food you ate : Famous Amos Chocolate Chip Cookies
3. Last movie you watched on DVD at home : Kill Bill Volume II
4. Last movie you watched at the cinema : Syriana. It was SO long and SO boring!
5. Last text message : My engagement dinner will be on the 29 of this month. My friends, it would be the greatest honour to have you celebrate with us on this day. 7.30 pm Hyatt Ballroom.
6. Last music video you saw : Beep, PCD
7. Last song you listened to : Ordinary People, John Legend
8. Last words you said : Can you come this February 29th? Go check your calendar!!!
9. (Missing another question…where did it go?)

8 HAVE-YOU-EVERS
1. Dated a bestfriend : Yes
2. Been arrested : No
3. Been on TV : Yes sir!
4. Eaten sushi : What a dumb question.
5. Cheated on your spouse : Yes
6. Been on a blind date : Yes
7. Been out of the country : (Yawn!) Yes.
8. Been in love : Oh yes!

7 THINGS YOU ARE WEARING
1. Blue checkered cotton shirt from Zara
2. Black office pants tailored by a good friend
3. A black crocodile watch from Zara
4. Black framed pair of reading glasses from Gucci for my aging eyes
5. Black pair of comfortable socks
6. Black leather shoes from Lewre
7. Allure Sport Pour Home from Chanel

6 THINGS YOU HAVE DONE TODAY
1. Finished editing a Power Point presentation for HQ.
2. Finished one proposal to do a forum in Langkawi.
3. Met my potential new boss (who snuck up on me at my cubicle. Thank God I didn’t say Shit!)
4. Finished laughing at how my current boss nominated me to head the Idol competition at the Langkawi forum.
5. Finished grumbling at how my current boss nominated me to be the MC for the Langkawi forum.
6. Finished eating Malay lunch at a gerai.

5 FAVORITE THINGS
1. Studying the works and the life of driven, inspiring people. Currently : Azizi Ali and Heidi Slimane.
2. High teas at PJ Hilton or The Shang with family every other Sunday.
3. Heart to heart chill out sessions at Alexis with my Usual Suspects and Comrades.
4. Singing at underground gigs with the boys (Acoustic 39).
5. Going to a live concert.

4 PEOPLE YOU TRUST THE MOST
1. My father
2. My mother
3. My three brothers
4. Myself

3 THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
1. Get hitched.
2. Produce an album.
3. Set up a clothing brand for men with my brothers.

2 CHOICES
1. Vanilla or Chocolate : Dark chocolate
2. Rock or Rap : R&B

1 PERSON YOU WANT TO SEE RIGHT NOW?
1. You know who you are. ;)

No Joke

Baaaaaaaad

I don’t know what it is, or whether I am indeed a freak, but when someone has a bad day, my whole psyche just reacts. When I smell a bad-day brewing in someone’s coffee, you can expect me to be that annoying intruder that will repeat, “Are you OK? Are you OK?” You can brush me off. You can push me into the long kang. But, like super glue, I will be steadfast to make you feel better again.

Today, a-bad-day-a-brewing was my colleague.

Are you OK? I asked, with a mug of tea in my hand.

“Yes, yes, I am,” she said.

I wasn’t convinced. Hey, you wanna hear a really bad joke?

She stared at me blankly.

Okay, of all the coins in the world, which one is the darkest?

She stared at me blankly.

50 Cent.

She smiled, which quickly melted into a giggle and then a big laugh. “That is funny.”

You want to hear another bad one?

She nodded her head.

What do you call a sheep with no legs and no head?

“What?”

A cloud.

She laughed really loud. “That is so stupid.” I smiled back, and walked back to my cubicle. Five minutes later, she stopped by at my desk. “Muddy,” she said, “Thanks for the jokes. Made my day better.”

Mission accomplished!

PS : Know any bad jokes to share? Please do so. Have a fantastic weekend!

V to B Day

That looks SOOOO Manis!

Once again, it is V-Day! And I felt a fuzzy feeling early this morning when finding 14 SMS wishing me a splendid one. Awww…Happy V-Day to you too! :)

But today is also the day that I realized I have forgotten someone’s birthday! So without much hesitation, I wanna say HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY LAUGHING MATTERS! You’re one year old! Oh yes you are! Now give me a hug!

Have a fantastic day ahead everyone!

Don't Forget About Her

At Her Best

Dear Mariah,

I have to apologize to you that there was a time that I thought you really did went bonkers. I watched that controversial strip scene on TRL, and it wasn’t the stripping that got me questioning your mental health. It was the fact that you were high! But you managed to explain yourself quite eloquently on Oprah, saying that your condition was triggered by your bad case of insomnia and your unnatural drive to succeed. Indeed, these two combined, when pushed to the extremes, can make anyone stumble further into a breakdown.

To tell you the truth, I don’t understand why people still consider Glitter as the cause of your career hoopla. Among all your albums, I thought Rainbow was crap! All the songs were super sugary coated, and to think about it, gave me major toothache just listening to it. Despite that Loverboy from your Glitter album is really annoying (especially that video where you do jumping jacks in a blue bandana top), there were extremely heartfelt ballads in there. But this is all overshadowed because of your poor acting performance in your movie. And yes, don’t forget your breakdown.

When you (and Whitney) disappeared, all this wannabe divas came to surface. They did strut their own stuff, but undeniably, they wanted to hit the higher notes just like you. They wanted to even have your hair as well. And all those years when they dominate, I always wondered what ever happened to you. You did come back last three years with Charmbracelet, but it was completely confusing and forgettable. At that point, I thought you would never come back in top form.

But you did! With Mimi.

And now you are the talk of the town. You already won numerous awards for your effort, even tying yourself with Elvis with 17 #1s in the history of music. You are also nominated for a total of 8 Grammy’s, which I feel you are most deserving. Because, finally Mariah, you sang. You sang with all your heart out, even when everybody (even myself) was against you. And that deserves much respect and a thousand apologies from all of us.

I hope you win the Grammy’s. But even if you do not, you managed to make me believe in you once again.

Cheers, Muddy

PS:

Dear Kanye,

You are indeed tough competition for Mariah. But now it’s you that I question about when it comes to insanity. Because, dude, you’re not Christ! Get over it!!!

Served With Rice, With Love

Fluffy

It was highlighted to me last two weeks that a dealer from the most successfully run petrol station has decided to call it quits. I was quite surprised, moreover the reason why he did. According to the grapevine, the dealer’s health was corroding away because he believe that someone has put a hex on his family. Doctors, for instance, could not pinpoint why he was coughing blood every morning, which only further fueled his speculations that witchcraft is causing his grief. “The market place is indeed fierce,” my colleague told me. “To the point that we need magic to remain competitive.”

In a time and age when only religion and science rule, it is quite surprising that people, especially in this part of the world, still do believe in magic. As such, acting on your sins is not caused by human faults or the temptations of Satan, but because of someone’s voodoo. A splitting headache, in turn, is not necessarily caused by bad sleeping habits, but because a bomoh managed to pound steel nail into your head without you knowing it! I cannot help but wonder: can hocus pocus really do all this? Should we fucking be more cautious with our competitors?

As much as I want to deny its existence, it is no secret that my extended family on my father’s side dealt with magic. My late grandfather was indeed the son of a great bomoh, and despite that my late grandfather is an incredibly pious man, he knew and practiced spells to keep things in order. One time, when my family moved into this gigantic government quarters in the middle of the city, he cast a security spell on our home. “If anyone enters the vicinity of this house with bad intentions,” I remember my late grandfather telling me, “He or she will feel lost.” And indeed that was exactly what happened!

One late Sunday afternoon, my mother yelled from the kitchen saying that an unknown man was roaming in our garden. Alerted, my father grabbed his parang and ran outside, only to find the guy crying on the driveway. “Tolong bang,” he pleaded to my father, “Saya hilang jalan. Saya tak tahu macam mana nak keluar.” My father stood there in his kain pelaikat, looking completely confused, because the gate was wide open right in front of them. Nevertheless, my father then grabbed the fellow by the arms and led him outside the gate. The moment when the thief was outside, he ran away like mad, yelling aloud that our house was hexed. So, from that day on, I came to somewhat believe that magic does exist.

I recently discussed this with Kobis, and he asked me whether I have heard of nasi kangkang.

What the hell is that? I asked.

“Well, nasi kangkang is rice served by wives who want to keep their husbands obedient. And how nasi kangkang is prepared is like this: the moment when the rice is cooked, the rice cooker would be opened and the wife would then sit on top of it, allowing the steam to heat her vagina!”

That’s nasty!

“Well, now you have a new item to add into your lunch menu,” Kobis said. “One nasi kangkang please!”

Hahahaha, shit dude, my nasi kangkang is undercooked!

“Hahahaha!”

And imagined the makcik would say, “Penat penat makcik buat nasi kangkang nih!”

“Hahahahaha!”