Sunday, May 27, 2007


Track 13

In terms of marriage, everyone knows that tying the knot with your high school or college sweet heart is stuff of dreams. So when two of my college friends, who were dating for four straight years, decided to marry upon graduation, everyone was incredibly envious. They were indeed the loveliest couple, and I had always secretly wished to myself that I would do anything to be in their place. To find, declare and be legally bounded by love at such a young age – they seemed like they had it all.

Recently, over coffee, my friend told me they were divorced.

What??? How did this happen?

“Apparently, he changed, Muddy. He got all violent and disappeared from home for days. She just could not handle it.”

A part of me felt sick to the core because it was only a few months back when I was at their home, enjoying their spaghetti and iced tea. And they seemed so happy. It felt illogical that they are now divorced, and how could Karl be that way?

“I think it was the drugs,” my friend whispered. “He is still addicted.”

Karl was my first friend in college. We naturally gravitated to each other because we came from the same neighborhood. After class, I would often visit his room to watch movies on his PC or later talk for hours about the hot girls in our class. It was also in his room that I discovered his favorite pastime.

“You don’t mind?”

No, I responded. I sat there on the floor, still as stone, while he took out a small plastic bag of marijuana from his pocket and a plastic bottle from underneath his bed. He later deposited the leaves on this contraption made of tin foil, lit it up and sucked the smoke through a pipe attached to the bottle. The bottle gurgled. He exhaled.

“You want to try?” I shook my head. He looked at me, noticed how bewildered I must have looked and said, “I am only doing this because I can’t sleep without it. It puts me to sleep.”

I nodded and watched and slowly felt slightly intoxicated from the smoke that filled the room. This happened every night, and there were days later that I did join him because I was curious. And it was days later when I accepted his routine as normal. However, I noticed he behaved differently soon after. He missed morning class many times because he could not wake up on time. His eyes were always blood-shot red as well, and when people asked, he said he got shampoo in his eyes when he showered. There were also days when he would just be silent, ignoring me when I talked. And that’s when our friendship drifted.

When Karl got married, I thought he had changed. At his wedding, he looked healthy and had this positive glow surrounding him. When he saw me, he smiled, shook my hand and patted my back several times. “Thank you for coming,” he said, “it means a lot to me.” I smiled back, because it does feel great to know that your friend is clean and set on the right direction.

So when I got know his marriage failed because of his addiction, I was crushed.

He is not the only one I know of that has an addiction to drugs. A good friend of mine in the fashion business would often snort a trail of cocaine before he would hit the clubs. I never asked him why he does, but it was obvious that he needed it for the confidence. He was indeed very cocky when he is on it, hitting on every girl at the bar and even had the energy to dance until the wee hours of morning. “I feel invincible,” I heard him say one night.

But when he is not on it, he is different. He is quiet and according to a friend, he falls into a deep state of depression. He never let me see him in that state. He only let most of us see him when he is high on cocaine.

At the end of the day, I realized that I don’t have the power to change my friends with this addiction. They have to seek professional help and have the motivation to change for themselves. The best thing I can do is to tell them that it is wrong. I not done that just yet, and that makes me sick to the stomach.


Blogger terabot said...

Hi muddy, if u cant tell them, then pray for them to have the "Faith"... They need to be STRONG to fight it or else it will getting worst.

8:50 PM  
Blogger pugly said...

I can totally relate. I was in the same situation once upon a time ago. What totally sucks was the feeling of helplessness I had felt as a friend, that there was really nothing I could do.

You're right, nobody else can help these people but they themselves.

4:59 AM  
Blogger RosiePosie said...

Dear mudster, your friend knows that his drug addiction is wrong & for what it's worth, I don't think that any amount of telling him will change anything.

Everything stems from the choices we make and the best bet is just to hope that he'll realize that he's also hurting those around him.

Dont lose heart and hang in there!

7:28 PM  
Blogger Elina said...

hey muddy...long time since i dropped by. everyone has tough choices to make but at the end of the day, they are one's own and the decisions and consequences that come out of them must be one's responsibility. i think your friends are grown enough to realise this.

10:31 PM  
Blogger sandman_gr said...

make them realize what you think about their addiction - not doing anything will not help either. Help them if they ask for help to quit - but never help them to get their drug dose.

12:53 AM  
Blogger Theta said...

Living in a place where smoking pot is legal, I do wonder if one can get addicted on this thing.
I think you just proved to me it is possible.

It's so sad that what could potentially be a great relationship get ruined because of substance abuse.

I think at the end of the day, after saying your well-meaning piece - this is very wrong, we care about you that's why we are telling you this and so forth - it's up to them to get help.

IMHO, to be apathetic to their condition is akin to condoning their psychedelic rides. Gently talk to them when they're sober and the rest is up to them. You have done your part as a friend.

5:11 PM  
Blogger Blabarella said...

Agree with Theta. As a friend, what is required of you is to say something, not to make them feel more rotten than they already do, but to tell them that you care. If they diss you, well you've done your part. But don't leave them after that. They will still need you when the chips are down. Hang in there for them and for you.

7:08 AM  
Blogger agus said...

Hey, you're up again! It's been a while. Good thing I still watch this space.

I know you have it in you to not only tell him it's wrong, but how it is slowly but surely destroying his life. My bet is if you care enough for him, you'll do your due research and seek enough help to confront him and ultimately convince him to turn over a new leaf. Help him change. It's not going to be easy, that's for sure.

12:43 AM  
Blogger Azida said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

7:11 PM  
Blogger Azida said...

Hi muddy, I stumbled upon your blog when I was searching for Bally + Malaysia for my boss, and the Google gave me your previous post = pee you. Really enjoyed reading it. You are a very good writer, keep it up!

7:14 PM  
Blogger Shopper Mom said...

i hv friends who went through the same thing that ur friends did. the only diff is that they were both junkies, didn't work out in the end. mind u, these aren't stupid people. they were both highly educated and held good jobs. just goes to show that a high education doesn't mean one is smart enough to make decisions in their life. it's a pity really.

i'm glad u'r smart enough to realise how stupid and uncool it is to waste ur life like that.

and don't stop writing pls :)

4:56 AM  
Blogger Muddy said...

terabot - it's good to hear from you. thanks for the advice.

pugly - the feeling of helplessness is really suffocating. it just shows that doing the right thing can sometimes be the most difficult thing to do.

rosieposie - you're right, but i do feel some sense of responsibility to tell them what i think. i just don't know why i have not done so all this time...

4:51 PM  
Blogger Muddy said...

elina - wow, its good to hear from you again. and that's the problem with adults. it is so much harder for us to change...

sandman - thanks for the advice. it is true, it will be easier if they come asking for me to help, but they have not done that just yet, which makes it harder for me.

theta - yeah, the sadest part of the whole thing is that Karl is not only hurting himself, but his now ex-wife. she really did love him, but i guess she could not handle it anymore...

4:55 PM  
Blogger Muddy said...

blabarella - actually, my friend with the coke problem did diss me when he asked my why i don't get high and said that i am square. i thought that was really uncalled for, but i just ignored it.

agus - hey, thanks for dropping by and sharing your advice. it is not easy as some people may think. it has been weeks and still i don't have the courage to even know where to start on the conversation, especially if i may piss karl off. not that easy...

azida - thanks for dropping by and words of encouragement. :)

shopper mom - that's the funny thing though. when people think of junkies, they have this perception that they live in the alleys and look diseased. this is not the case in my situation. they are corporate figures with really great job prospects. but somehow, they blow it off on drugs. and that's just sad, esp when relationships fall apart as a result...

5:02 PM  
Blogger Lin said...

A friend of mine also used to smoke those things everynight. He said the same thing. It helps him sleep. He was on it for many years, since college. Of late, he started agama class. The Uztaz comes over to his house, and he started his lessons right from the beginning and basics. From there, he started to ween off the drugs. Now he has completly stopped taking them.

8:16 PM  
Blogger Handshake said...


The saying "if you can't beat them, join them" is very true here.

6:53 PM  
Blogger Lil' Miss Easydent said...

drugs destroy everything. yet people don't really learn since the old days. i guess the impermanent happiness promised by drugs is so tempting kot.

8:12 PM  
Blogger Handshake said...

Also to add, my war cry:

"A little bit of weed and a few shots of tequila won't hurt us."

6:23 AM  
Blogger aez82 said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

2:39 AM  
Blogger aez82 said...

kite boleh tarik lembu tu kat tepi sungai, nak bagi die minum air..tapi..kite tak leh nak paksa lembu tu minum air..klu die minum pun, takut die sembur balik semula..kan ??

2:42 AM  
Anonymous mz ayam said...

Oohhh hellooo...welcome back!

8:16 PM  
Blogger Red Raven said...

I have a friend back in college that was busted for selling pot. He was jailed for 5 years.
I had a friend who died because of cocaine overdose.
There is still time for you to help your friend.

10:14 AM  
Blogger Muddy said...

lin - am glad that your friend managed to clean himself. it must not have been easy, but because of his willingness to change, that truly made the difference.

handshake - hahaha true, just know your limits, that's the key.

lil miss - it is tempting, especially when you are curious. there is nothing wrong with trying to experience, but know your limit. or just say no.

5:18 PM  
Blogger Muddy said...

aez - i am picturing this stubborn lembu in my head now. hahahaha.

mz ayam - thanks! :)

red raven - i have met his ex-wife recently, and she really did look devastated. i did not know what to say except sorry, but she told me that my friend has decided to go to renab. i am glad that he is.

5:21 PM  

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