Sunday, February 05, 2006

Served With Rice, With Love


Fluffy

It was highlighted to me last two weeks that a dealer from the most successfully run petrol station has decided to call it quits. I was quite surprised, moreover the reason why he did. According to the grapevine, the dealer’s health was corroding away because he believe that someone has put a hex on his family. Doctors, for instance, could not pinpoint why he was coughing blood every morning, which only further fueled his speculations that witchcraft is causing his grief. “The market place is indeed fierce,” my colleague told me. “To the point that we need magic to remain competitive.”

In a time and age when only religion and science rule, it is quite surprising that people, especially in this part of the world, still do believe in magic. As such, acting on your sins is not caused by human faults or the temptations of Satan, but because of someone’s voodoo. A splitting headache, in turn, is not necessarily caused by bad sleeping habits, but because a bomoh managed to pound steel nail into your head without you knowing it! I cannot help but wonder: can hocus pocus really do all this? Should we fucking be more cautious with our competitors?

As much as I want to deny its existence, it is no secret that my extended family on my father’s side dealt with magic. My late grandfather was indeed the son of a great bomoh, and despite that my late grandfather is an incredibly pious man, he knew and practiced spells to keep things in order. One time, when my family moved into this gigantic government quarters in the middle of the city, he cast a security spell on our home. “If anyone enters the vicinity of this house with bad intentions,” I remember my late grandfather telling me, “He or she will feel lost.” And indeed that was exactly what happened!

One late Sunday afternoon, my mother yelled from the kitchen saying that an unknown man was roaming in our garden. Alerted, my father grabbed his parang and ran outside, only to find the guy crying on the driveway. “Tolong bang,” he pleaded to my father, “Saya hilang jalan. Saya tak tahu macam mana nak keluar.” My father stood there in his kain pelaikat, looking completely confused, because the gate was wide open right in front of them. Nevertheless, my father then grabbed the fellow by the arms and led him outside the gate. The moment when the thief was outside, he ran away like mad, yelling aloud that our house was hexed. So, from that day on, I came to somewhat believe that magic does exist.

I recently discussed this with Kobis, and he asked me whether I have heard of nasi kangkang.

What the hell is that? I asked.

“Well, nasi kangkang is rice served by wives who want to keep their husbands obedient. And how nasi kangkang is prepared is like this: the moment when the rice is cooked, the rice cooker would be opened and the wife would then sit on top of it, allowing the steam to heat her vagina!”

That’s nasty!

“Well, now you have a new item to add into your lunch menu,” Kobis said. “One nasi kangkang please!”

Hahahaha, shit dude, my nasi kangkang is undercooked!

“Hahahaha!”

And imagined the makcik would say, “Penat penat makcik buat nasi kangkang nih!”

“Hahahahaha!”

30 Comments:

Blogger KaiserSoze said...

The secular sceptic that I am, I pay little heed to superstition/supernatural until one day I witnessed a bomoh plucking out a miniature dagger out of my cousin(a successful restauranteur) back..blood & all...

Cant really discount these things you know...

4:48 PM  
Blogger Pesa said...

well, if the steam dripping which is used to make nasi kangkang is bad for health, then what about the juice that's dripping straight from the source?Izzit bad for health too?Should we stop from enjoying it muddy?? hehehheheh...man that would kill half the funn!! :p

5:33 PM  
Blogger the kimster said...

mudster,
as someone who has gone through the whole experience, survived (barely) and lived to tell the tale, take my word for it: these things exist, my man.

and the funniest/silliest/BS-est part of it is that, people practise such a thing for the stupidest of reasons.

6:11 PM  
Anonymous krako said...

do watch that thai flick on voodoo and black magic that's showing in cinemas right now (n always a full house, not to mention) "Long Khong". To better understand the black, evil world, that is. (I'm not a rep, ot whatever, just a girl vouching in for a good movie)

6:16 PM  
Blogger 9 said...

may God smite the culprits down with His thunder.

9:14 PM  
Blogger A Babe Of Very Little Brain said...

i believe nasi kangkang would work best when the woman has her menstrual cycle.

*jap, nak muntah*

9:58 PM  
Anonymous bachelor said...

LOL! well, of course nasi kangkang just wudn't work with the action alone (the wife sits on the rice cooker), but of course it has to be activated by some spells as well (that's how I think it is done lah). whad'ya guys think?

As much as I do believe in the existence of black magic and supernatural, (hey, it's part of our rich culture!!) I will always try to stay away from those who practiced it and may have the connection with one who does. Damn, it is scary to think that one fine day, I wud be under a spell, especially an evil spell! (Long Khong does gave us a view of how painful and sick it is) YeerrgghhH!!! No way!!!

p/s: muddy, you promised me to put sequel to that 'mee bandung' story!! ;p don't forget!

10:11 PM  
Blogger Pojan said...

this brings my memory back to sofea jane in Perempuan, Isteri dan dot dot dot. I think the movie is about a slutty wife who gets to control his husband using the nasi kangkang. There was a scene of sofea jane standing over a hot pot of rice. ahahaha. good stuff eh?

12:41 AM  
Blogger Vlad said...

Let's just hope the wife is not having a bad tummy ache when standing over the pot of rice.

1:26 AM  
Blogger Cosmic_GurL said...

Talking about hocus pocus and balck magic, go watch "Long Khong"! Scary okay tht movie! Sofia Jane did that nasi kangkang scene in the movie "Perempuan, Isteri..." Tot she was kinda good.

2:18 AM  
Blogger shobshob said...

yeah agree with pojan... the nasik kangkang scene in that movie is definitely one of malay movies most controversial scenes..

this blackmagic is kinda scary... one time the person is really nice to u, but esok maybe terus nak carik bomoh to put a spell on us..

2:19 AM  
Blogger MarinaDelRey said...

i was just gonna ask the same thing about sofea jane n that movie..din't u see it muddy? it's a classic scene ;-)

n btw, like it or not...black magic, sadly, exists in our society..i never believed in these things 'till i saw some of my own relatives and family members affected by 'buatan orang'...*sigh*

2:23 AM  
Blogger mangolisa said...

A Filipino maid in Bulgaria (or some other eatern european country) over did the kangkang bit in her effort to snatch her doctor employer... she left errr her panties in a bowl of soup. She told the police in Malaysia it is a cultural surefire way to land a rich husband hahahahaha!
This was in the newspaper a few years back!

8:05 AM  
Anonymous uk-mong said...

"In a time and age when only religion and science rule, it is quite surprising that people, especially in this part of the world, still do believe in magic. "

As an aetheist I do not consider it so surprising that people believe in magic when people believe in religion. I do not consider it so difficult to imagine that if you are open to something that is impossible to prove (e.g. religion), you won't have the same inclination to be open to other things that are impossible to prove. If you're picking out magic in particular, I am guessing it is so popular because there are 'often' visual effects of magic (such as your story of the thief) - some of which, I assume, is the result of such psychological belief in magic that you see/do what you think is going to happen.

Finally, this passage is interesting to me:

"...acting on your sins is not caused by human faults or the temptations of Satan, but because of someone’s voodoo."

See, to me, the thought that anything you do might be attributed to Satan is as hard to believe as the thought of attributing it to voodoo!

11:36 AM  
Blogger Muddy said...

kaisersoze aka sifu :

the thing is, i am unsure where this all fits in Islam or even other religions (Christianity, Buddhism, etc). I know for a fact that Islam prohibits the practice of magic, but its an unspoken truth that some of these bomoh claim that they are practicing magic under the grace of Allah. So how does this work?

I am glad that bomoh was able to help out your cousin in extracting a miniature dagger from his back. Sounds awfully painful to think about it...

pesa :

hahahah...i was waiting for someone to identify this dilemma! well, directly from the source is not too bad because the intentions are different. ;P but the fact that the spell involves rice, which is makanan, is foul. It is just not right, in my opinion...kekeke

the kimster :

hey pal, glad to hear that you recovered from whatever that was cast on you. i was just wondering, the fact that there are many con-bomohs about, is there an official bomoh organisation out there which practice high-quality, trusted magic?

i mean, if their practice does help improve the quality of people's lives like other medical practioners, i think they should be endorsed...

4:19 PM  
Blogger Muddy said...

krako :

hey, thanks for dropping by! :) and will keep a look out for the movie.

people have told me that among all the source of magic between malaysia, indonesia and thailand, thai's magic is deeper and darker. i guess the movie then further proves this...

9 :

insyallah, allah may protect us from evil wrongdoings...

babe :

oh gosh, is this true? alamak, you gave me images lah babe! seriously don't think i can eat rice with kuah asam pedas today! kekekeke...

4:25 PM  
Blogger Muddy said...

bachelor :

hahaha...yes, what is missing are the chanting and moaning. hahaha...it seems like everyone has watched that movie! will look out for it this weekend.

ps : i wrote the ending to "who's laughing" but can't seem to alocate it in my room (wrote it a notebook). i guess i have to re-write it, so look out for it this week. :)

pojan :

hahahah...haiyoh, i haven't seen that movie! i remember coming back from the States, and hearing about the controversy that the movie created. i guess after such a scene, no wonder people were talking! ;P

vlad :

hahahahah...that is so sick man! just hope she is bersih as well. kekekeke...

4:31 PM  
Blogger Muddy said...

cosmic gurl :

this long khong movie is so highly recommended! hahaha...macam best je. ok ok, will look out for it this weekend. hopefully, tak scary sangat...;P

shobshob :

the thing is, all we secular people can do is pray that we do not fall into such circumstances. i think prayer in itself is a strong gaurantee in warding of evil spells set against you...

marinadelray :

hahahah...belum tengok that sofea jane movie! do you think i am able to download it off the net? kekeke...

yeah, its funny that how much we don't want to believe in magic, these things do occur, as close even to your family members. this is a very scary thought...

4:37 PM  
Blogger Muddy said...

mangolisa :

wow, it even made the news!!! kekeke...panties in soup, the next martha stewart specialty! hahahah...

talking about panties in soup, there's this loud rumor that the reason why satay kajang is so damn good is because they cook the gravy with a virgin's used pad! i was like, oh, patutlah sedap! hahahhahahah!!!

uk-mong :

hey, thanks for dropping by! :) wow, am impressed at the deep analysis here. and yes, you got a point there: when we can't prove something with logic or with things we know (religion, science), it is only human to seek explanations in the unexplained...

4:48 PM  
Blogger Desparil said...

Got a black magic woman
I got a black magic woman
Yes, I got a black magic woman
Got me so blind I can't see
But she's a black magic woman
And she's tryin' to make a devil out of me

lalalaa..

5:56 PM  
Blogger Muddy said...

desparil :

hahahah dude, next time ada kareoke session, sure invite you mah! that song is hard for me to sing without sounding like a poser...kekeke :P

6:05 PM  
Blogger lin said...

ist there a dúa that u can read or amal to avoid all these black magic stuff?

11:26 PM  
Blogger Muddy said...

lin :

gosh, i was wondering the same thing!

and funny how in today's star, there is a new book out in brunei (or is it indonesia?) which provides methods to exorcism. and its a seller!

12:35 AM  
Blogger Desparil said...

i sing in the shower je.. :P

4:24 PM  
Blogger RosiePosie said...

Seems like everyone has seen that movie except me :) But I have to say, I am totally grossed out. That is naaaaasty stuff, dude. Ew.

7:25 PM  
Blogger Muddy said...

desparil :

kekeke...i think there should be a show for msian shower idol. sure entertaining...kekeke

rosie posie :

babe, i haven't watched the movies referred in the comments (the perempuan movie AND that long khong one) as well. need to go for a movie marathon this weekend...hehehe ;)

9:41 PM  
Blogger [Is]landa said...

i am a firm believer of nasi kangkangs and minyak dagus.

it got me where i am today :p

11:50 PM  
Blogger maya said...

hi u..lots of evil ppl out there.. just dont see the bomohs.. coz they just an add ons suffer in long run..

12:15 AM  
Blogger Muddy said...

ylanda :

hahaha...perhaps so babe. hey how's the ayam progress going? ;)

maya :

yeah, totally agree with you. there is no need for me to go visit a bomoh. only when everything else fails, perhaps i shall go visit...;P

3:48 PM  
Anonymous e6n1 said...

It really makes you wonder about sambal belacan, and chili sauce....? URghhhhh;P

11:30 PM  

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