Looker

Easier to Swallow

Call me an attention-seeker or whatever, but I enjoy receiving compliments. Who doesn't? Whenever my boss said "Good job on that proposal you've written!", I rule the world. Whenever a girl in a crowd goes "I love your voice!", I own Sony Records. But, for some odd reason, there's one type of compliment I have a hard time swallowing, which are compliments about my looks.

This insecurity started in forth grade. I was in art class where my art teacher, Mrs Stucker, demonstrated how to draw human faces, and randomly pointed to each kid the different facial features, like Ben's large eyes and Arlene's small ears. "As for Asian features," she said, "you have almond eyes and often flat noses. Like Muddy's." All the other 13 kids turned around and stared at me. Jackass Jason then went, "Look! Muddy's nose is flat!" and went on to press his sharp Swedish nose down with his thumb. I never felt so ugly in my life.

To be among three younger brothers who are much "better" looking doesn't help either. Whenever my family balik kampung, my aunts would often have a party in pinpointing the physical characteristics of my brothers and I. According to an aunt, my younger brother Wari looks like the Malay version of Brad Pit. According to another aunt, my younger brother Aiman looks like Yusry from KRU. All agreed that baby brother Firdaus is adorable. As for me, they would always say I am the smart one. Damn.

As I grew older, I do receive some occassional compliments to how I look. But, to me, they were a tad confusing. I remember this girl, who I dated back in college, had this habit of ranking the guys at my university in terms of their looks, and would always put this Fais guy as number one.

Where do I stand? I asked her.

"Baby, you're not cute," she said. "You're sexy."

Erk, what is that suppose to mean?

So, when a talent agent called me up today and asked me whether I was interested to be a head-shot model for an art show, I felt confused.

How do you know what I look like anyway? I asked.

"You were mentioned by your friend," she said. "And we saw your picture on your Friendster page. We love your look."

What look?

"You look exotic."

Damn, I thought. I look like a pineapple.