Wednesday, April 13, 2005

From Scratch


I remember on the second day at my current job, during an internal meeting, my boss tapped me on my left shoulder and casually said, "Make coffee for me."

My immediate thoughts included :

Say what???
What the...
Who do I look like, YOUR TEA LADY???

I guess my face reacted the same way, and he quickly responded with "I just want to see how versatile you can be." I did not know what that meant, but like any other employee, I quickly flashed a fake smile and beamed "Sure thing!".

I dragged myself into the pantry, and opened the cupboard to see half-filled bottles of black coffee, Milo, sugar and powdered milk. Damn it, I thought, there's no 3-in-1's! The truth is, I rarely make my own coffee. I am more of a heavy tea drinker, and if I did drink coffee, the good fellows at Starbucks or Dome would have done it for me. So, it was another case of unwanted coffee circumstances, like the times when relatives would come over, mom was sick, I had to make coffee for them. And, like a bad dream, noone would finish the coffee I made. :(

So it was no surprise that my boss sipped the coffee I made and said, "This is bad." Oh well, there goes my reputation...

After a few months down the line, my boss did the same thing. During another internal meeting, he turned to me and said, "Make me coffee." This time around, I also let my face did the talking. I guess it said, Don't you remember? I suck at that!. I guess he read my face again and said, "I will tell you how to make the best coffee" :

2 teaspoon of coffee (heapful)
2 packets of sugar (or three teaspoon of sugar)
3 teaspoon of powdered milk

Add all three incredients into the mug, and mix it with a little bit of cold water. Dilute and mix, and then fill it with hot water. ("This is the secret," he said, "to dilute with cold water first. This is because if you pour in hot water first, it will burn the coffee.")

I took his recipe in good faith and followed through like a careful rocket scientist. And, when I passed the mug with the secret brew to him, I smiled with full confidence.

He sipped the coffee and said, "Hmmmm, that's good coffee."

Hurrah for me! I finally did it! I can make coffee!

"But," he continued, "It's not great coffee."

Damn you.


Blogger Pojan said...

haha.. thank god my boss didn't ask me to make coffee for her, cos i would have put poison in it. now that's an ingredient that would suit my boss perfectly.

4:03 AM  
Blogger Nikola said...

i think your boss has manipulated you into becoming his coffee bitch... ;)

5:48 PM  
Blogger Muddy said...

pojan :, that bad huh?

nikola :

if being the coffee bitch means pay raise, than so be it. lol.

8:43 PM  
Blogger Pantani's 2nd Cousin said...

its okay to be a coffee-bitch. just dont let your juniors see you in action

ex coffee-bitch

11:43 PM  
Blogger Adam Tuan Mukriz said...

Dear coffee boy,

You know what? I am lucky. My boss(well, even a boss has a boss!!!) is a coffee freak - and she drinks coffee like there is no tomorrow - even now when she is heavily pregnant. Yikes! But the good thing is, she never makes any of us to prepare her coffee. I spent three fcuking years in a hotel and management school in France to know that naughty boys (and wacky waiters) do nasty things to your food and drinks when you boss them around. Like the urban legend that Miss Maggie Thatcher had 1000 island sauce + semen on her salad nicoise. How about that? [Adam Tuan Mukriz aka Adam King]

1:26 AM  
Blogger Muddy said...

theroadie :

as an update, during a recent internal meeting, my boss asked a colleague of mine to make coffee for him and for me! ah, the power trip...

adam tuan mukhriz :

Ah, the natural glazing of food products. How classic. hehehe...

1:37 AM  
Blogger quellemerde said... is MUKRIZ and not MUKHRIZ. Wow, now your colleague makes coffee for you eh? This is a typical vicious circle, friend. The now-you-make-me-coffee-because-I-used-to-be-a-coffee-biatch-like-you-before grin;-) Ha ha ha. Natural glazing? least it is full of protein. Unlike porcine fat.

2:34 AM  
Blogger nais said...

i cant make coffee for nuts but i will copy your recipe hehe

2:46 AM  
Blogger aeyya said...

tea/coffee??both not ma drink,but hellya i need to serve it 3x during the weekends..ahaks X) but than THANX to the heavy coffee trolly which make ma life easier.. i BUTTON push, there u go,add milk and hot water...hhehe maybe i shud try ur BOSS tips of pourin cold water 1st!!!arghh but thn the MILK is cold tho'...

4:59 AM  
Blogger random-girl said...

Forgive me for being a coffee connoisseur cynic, but...

1) Pouring cold water (or fresh milk) first so you don't burn the coffee is only applicable when using freshly ground beans (you know the type you filter?). With the crappy instant stuff - this makes no friggin difference.

2) Your boss' recipe sux. There is only one way to make coffee. Straight. Black. And Hard.

Please... no misintepretations.

5:38 AM  
Blogger Muddy said...

quellemerde :

Okay, okay, without the H, I get it! lol. And yes, the all time classic revenge grin. But like they say, what goes around, comes around time three!

nais :

only copy the recipe at your own risk (if you like boss(y) coffee, than by all means...hehehe)

1:09 AM  
Blogger Muddy said...

aeyya :

yeah, it is suppose to be with cold cream, but the cream in the fridge is like basi or something (really gross). anyway, our office is cheap, so powedered milk, here we go!

random-girl : are right and right! We only have premium nescafe (its actually kopi kampung), but my boss loves it! and are you sure that there's no misinterpretations? :P

1:23 AM  
Blogger shobshob said...

thank god my boss didn't asked me to do that.. for me that is such an insult.. huhu..

1:54 AM  
Blogger annabie said...

hey muddy, just droppin a line. nice blog you've got goin on here. and yes, i agree, if being a coffee bitch means a pay rise.. then go ahead! haha. anyways, hope you're doing well. take care. -annabie

9:58 PM  
Blogger Elina said...

lol - sounds like your boss has either got or will be having diabetes. but you should probably stick to his coffee recipe, anyway, to get markah bonus. i'm sure he's witholding the secret ingredient/method from you.

7:22 AM  
Blogger Muddy said...

shobshob :

dude, i figured that it's not an insult. it's a humility test. and yes yes, i am very humble...muhahaha

annabie :

hey babe, thanks for dropping by! :) and yeah, i do hope that my two coffee experiences will give me bonus points for naik gaji!

elina :

yeah, i tasted the coffee and it isn't exactly that great: too sweet for my blood. you got a better one to share? :)

5:05 PM  
Blogger disco-very said...

what a scumbag... that's pure power abuse... the day you quit, come up to him with a cup of coffee you toiled over, toss the burning liquid all over him, and while his face is melting tell him in a most serene manner that that's how YOU like YOUR coffee.

btw i've had that experience before... making coffee in the office. luckily I found the 3-in-1!

7:10 PM  
Blogger nais said...

nescafe has those lovely 3in1 thingamajiggs now. a tad expensive than your usual nescafe coffee but they come in caramel, vanilla, mocha and cappuccino. i assure you the cappuccino's lovely even for non coffee drinkers. either that or maybe i'm just fascinated with the free chocolate powder that comes with it hahaha..

7:48 PM  
Blogger Muddy said...

disco-very :

I was (in my head) laughing and rolling all over when I read your comment! "That's the way I like my coffee..."...hahahah...that line should be tag-ed for a employee-revenge type movie. You want to star? ;)

nais :

where can I get those?! They sound so good! (Note to self: Harrass HR to buy them ASAP!)

8:10 PM  
Blogger Elina said...

no lah, sorry, no fantabulous coffee recipe to share. nescafe gold or colombian blend only, equal/one tsp sugar, and milk. but maybe if you made that for your boss, he would throw his hands up in disgust and finally give up on molding you into his coffee bitch.

6:43 AM  

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