Monday, August 15, 2005

When Ketupat Isn't Good Enough

I am Ketupat

It has come to my attention that a large set of beautiful, established, intellligent Malay women are losing faith in Malay men. They say that Malay men are hopeless.

This worries me. Because I am a Malay man growing into his skin. But does that mean...

1) I am not romantic?
2) I am kedekut?
3) I am malas?
4) I want four wives?
5) I am a liar?
6) I am emotionless?
7) I am a cheater?
8) I am perasaan?
9) I am sex crazy?
10) I am useless???

Please don't think that all Malay men are like this. We are indeed Sons. Struggling to get rid of such discriminations against us. And it hurts deeply that your faith for Us is frailing...


Blogger the kimster said...

Answered your earlier question in the blog. Happy reading.

7:06 PM  
Blogger Vlad said...

I guess nobody believes in individuality anymore. It's just sad to see that. Soon we will all be paraded like Cornflakes on Aisle 9 Giant Supermarket. Or worst, in the death row line of Klu Klux Klan.

7:19 PM  
Blogger kepala_angin said...

itulah, kerana nila setitik, rosak susu sebelanga..

Kata Hang Tuah - Takkan Melayu hilang di dunia.. so, it is up to us to maintain keperibadian Melayu (also a muslim) sejati..

7:25 PM  
Blogger A Babe Of Very Little Brain said...

i can write a book about Malay men, their painful failings, their unreal expectations, their wanting to stay conservative and yet striving to be worldly ... o well ..

7:27 PM  
Blogger silent said...

dearest muddy,

i speak on behalf of the large set of beautiful, established, intelligent Malay women (tehehehe)

you have nothing to worry about, because in 30 seconds flat, anyone that meets you knows that you are none of the above. (except maybe for No.8, which i'm sorry, but all men of all races are) however i'd like to state that there is some truth in what you hear.

it's not that i have anything against Malay men "the race" but you have to understand from a female point of view "the culture" that we face from the majority of Malay men.

you might think that it is a bit unfair for us to quickly judge, and though it is wrong of us to jump to conclusions with discrimination, could you really blame us if time after time we face many of the following from many "stereotypical" Malay men:

1) jeering and comments from passing traffic
2) touching in elevators/escalators
3) being followed when walking alone in shopping malls
4) men who reply "isteri boleh berempat" when you find out they have other girlfriends/wife/wives
5) men who don't get the message that you're simply not interested, and then go around spreading rumours about you because their stupid ego can't take it

i could list a lot more but i'm sure you get the message. sure, not all Malay men are like this. exhibit A is yourself! and a few others i know help reinstill my faith in the men of my race. but these few are so hard to find - and amongst the swarm of jerks i know and have met, i will always have a first wall of defense when i meet Malay men, with room to let down only when proven trustworthy.

7:31 PM  
Blogger The Yoga Instructor said...

but you, a Malay man with American accent.. exceptional.


7:42 PM  
Blogger Pojan said...

haha, sorry muddy, i just have to laugh. Funny la your posting today. I try to remember whether i know any malay man that don't possess the trait you listed there.
hmmmm *pondering for a while*
Don't think there's any man, Malay or not, who don't possess at least one of those traits there.

7:55 PM  
Blogger teek said...

muddy, in a me, this entry is comforting. (as comforting as imagining me having nasi!)
I don't really want to lump everything into one group, eventhough my 'horizon' is not wide but what i've seen and heard are not ...err..good. Losing faith on men? not yet ..i hope :)

8:03 PM  
Blogger thingsaboottogetvaryinterestinghear said...

this reminds me of an observation my friend noted. all the white guys are going out with asian girls cos all the white girls are with the black guys!!

the thing is, you're only aware of certain bad traits of people when you've been around them long enough. the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, only because you havent been to the other side of the fence long enough!! studying in university, i've met people of all races, middle eastern, south american, blacks, african blacks, african whites, south asians, eastern asians and of course the plain north american whites. they all have something to bitch about their opposite-sex counterparts. doesnt make them bad people, but when they let their thinking dictate how they treat those people, then they start becoming bigots.

personally, as a malay guy, i'd be glad being turned down by those malay women. saves me the trouble from being dissapointed by them. cos if there's one thing that turns me off more than anything else is having someone judge me based on either my race, religion or anything of that ilk. "you know, you're not bad for a malay guy". "for a malay, your english is quite good". so you guys can pepper your prejudice with 'wall of defense', 'personal experience', 'been there done that' if that makes you feel better about yourselves.

8:44 PM  
Blogger Foxybabe said...

Susah nak jawab...

I've a lot of malay guy friends. I've seen the good ones. Seen bad ones.

Uish.. tapi, kalau nak cheat, tak semestinye melayu je.. cina ke.. india ke.. omputih ke.. bole je curang. bole je cerai.

I dont know.

Muddy, jom kite date. Heh heh.

9:22 PM  
Blogger Dade Ghost said...

Its all artificial... who cares? At the end of the day, its back to basic instinct... the urge to survive wins the day!!!

For every action, there is reaction. For every reaction of the malay men, dont u think it was an action by the malay women(or any race for that matters).... and vice versa?

Dont fall into an intrisics olde trappings of life.... go back to basic..... Cheers.

9:24 PM  
Blogger Acat said...

generalization sucks.

9:55 PM  
Blogger thinktankgal said...

So, Muddy can I have you, then? :-)he!he!

10:28 PM  
Blogger madnessinvain said...

Bro, i must say this is one of the most powerful entry ive ever read so far.

I hate to be a wet blanket, its the prejudice that makes the subjudice. But like being articulated out by silent (hi silent,) all of these are based on the precedences. Bad experience makes a bad track record. I agree on acat's generalisation sucks. One needs to ponder, pls spare some belief to believe in individuality (Vlad, you are spot on).Doesnt matter if you are malay or other races,if you have a heart of gold, your are the alchemist of the universe.And bro,i believe you are one.

Warm regards,


*to all of you who have commented, i learn something from all of you today. Thanks a heap ppl. *Standing Ovation".

10:47 PM  
Blogger Pojan said...

btw, lupe nak cakap. there are malay women who are guilty of the very same trait u have listed down.

11:01 PM  
Blogger chics said...

i still prefer malay man.modern doesn't mean forgetting our culture.and there's non typical malay man out there.

if looking at those traits u listed down, i think all races have those traits.Just pick the good onela.

Dah kau pilih rempit ape cite.

lagipon melayu sunat,besih sikit.ok tapi ramai jugak yg sunat sekarang.whatever.

11:07 PM  
Blogger silent said...

the comments from your fellow readers are sure heated. muds, you have a way to write about things that dig out the best of peoples grey matter (and hearts).

in particular i'd like to reply to thingsareabout...

your basic point of judging others based on past actions of someone else is a good point and i'm glad it's pointed out. despite my obvious early rant of experiences and wall of defense (ok i admit i was getting a bit personal), it is true that if you don't let go, susahkan sendiri aje, kan? :P

following on with reference to dade ghost:
relationships are an action-reaction. everybody will end up taking the easy way out and point to the other side: i'm like this because this happened to me vice versa and on and on the vicious cycle goes.

race x or race y, we all at one point in time have been hurt, as well as been the one that caused hurt. how we choose to protect ourselves against future anticipated pain is our own damn problem. and if the common road for this is prejudice (as MiV said - and hello!) then that's our own damn problem too. so? biarkan saje, kerna hanya tangan sendiri, dapat membukakan hati.

11:29 PM  
Blogger shell said...

aww Muddy..

I dun think all malay ladies out there feels that way about Ketupat.

Well, I don't. Now.

need a hug?

11:35 PM  
Blogger Pantani's 2nd Cousin said...

They say Malay men are hopeless etc.? Chisss....

Maybe they should start paying for their own drinks, meals and cinema tixs as starters. N drive themselves instead of us picking them up. Lets not get into mortgage sharing.

And Muddy, take off that kilt u wearing n walk proud brother. Everywhere I turn to there are malay bashing and malay male bashing. I say, fuck them for being racist n stereotyping. (chicks in Bandung r viable option)

Ketua Cawangan Malay Men United Front Damansara.

11:46 PM  
Blogger the jamie said...

My answer is YES from Q1 - Q10.

11:55 PM  
Blogger teek said...

oh foxybabe commented, bukan malay men irregardless kaler apa pun ada yg tak elok ( experience la, just observation), same goes for women also. well...all the best to everibodi!

12:03 AM  
Blogger P. Kay said...

well i dont know about losing faith in malay men. the two malay men i dated were none of the above, but maybe i was just v. lucky (and then i threw them away).

but really, malay, chinese, indian, african, farang, eskimo, it doesn't matter, you'll always get your fair share of bad apples, regardless of specimen.

and you're none of the above mudsters, or are in any danger of being classified as one, babe.

12:43 AM  
Blogger aeyya said...

it will be two things; either she been rejected by most Ketupat or she juz not good/suitany Ketupat???

ketupat is still ketupat regardless the color coz the most imp is the isi tat u wat ketupat ppl alwiz said "rambut sama color,hati lain2"

but i dun like ketupat muddy coz i prefer nasi impit for raya ;) (juz the cover diff but the isi still the same)

1:25 AM  
Blogger shobshob said...

i don't think people should judge from the individuals' race.

any race pun sama aje... ader yg baik, ader yang tak baik.. there's no such thing as being the perfect male/female..

4:28 AM  
Blogger Pesa said...

It's all about stereotyping (like the others wrote),but then again, there wouldn't be any stereotype if there's no truth at all in it. I guess, maybe majority part of malay men are like that (maybe around 55-60%) kot...being a malay male myself, I can't deny that there are men like that...but for 1 of those guys, there would be another (or 1/2) who is not like that...gals, there are still good non typical malay men(if you can call that larger part with all those traits as typical malay men) out there...and i'm very much sure that tho they are not the majority, they're not at the brink of extinction either....

7:49 AM  
Blogger thingsaboottogetvaryinterestinghear said...

the thing about stereotypes is that its always that we hear the stereotype first BEFORE we notice it in our everyday lives. things like cina kedekut, melayu bodoh, india mabuk, we were taught of these things early on in our lives, and then when we actually see one of them happen, never mind that we might have seen the generous chinese person, the smart malays, the sober indian many many times before, but when we encounter that stereotype ONE time, thats enough for most of us to say 'HEY, it is TRUE! they are cheap/stupid/drunks'.

i'd like to share this rant by an indian (nationality) friend of mine some time ago about indian women. its the funniest thing to ever come out of his mouth. "indian women may look hot, but thats only because you dont get to listen to the crap thats coming out of their mouths. 'i think i should marry an engineer or lawyer or doctor'. 'syed just got a mercedes. he looks hot now'. and most of them dont work out and are anorexic/bullimic. and if they're a 5, they act like they're a 7, and if they're 8, they think they're a 10. Also they give shitty head".

9:32 AM  
Blogger Miss YY said...

No comment... :-)
I can't wait for raya.. so I can eat nasik impit and kuah kacang yg ada ayam tuh... yummy!

10:00 AM  
Blogger NajMie said...

good guys deserve good girls and vice versa. Hopefully good guys with the 'hood' off because it's kinder to the good girls, regardless of the accent, the way they eat rice, or the amplitude of their burps. Miss YY, I agree, lapar membaca akan post ini.

yang betul,
Ketua cawangan pemudi cetek kampung Scunt.

3:32 PM  
Blogger Muddy said...

the kimster :

bro, somehow i feel indebted to you for the the excellent advice you shared. thank you for answering without judgements; it has helped me a lot...

vlad :

i myself am guilty of making quick judgements and being biased. but the fact when it comes to racial and gender discrimination, that's a whole new ball park, which i aim to stay away.

you get discriminated at everyday. so it hurts when it is made from someone within your own race or gender...

kepala angin :

oooo quoting from hang tuah. excellent! :) yeah, melayu takkan hilang di dunia ini. however, this may not prove true if it cannablizes from within...

babe :

painful failings. unreal expectations. wanting to stay conservative. striving to be worldly. are these attributes specifically for a malay man and not for all? hmmmm...

how about writing about incredible risings. realised expectations. being open minded. and striving to be human...:)

10:23 PM  
Blogger Muddy said...

silent :

thank you for assuring me that i am not subjected to such characteristics because of my race or gender. if i do have any of these attributes, its a choice that i personally made, and does not represent the general undertakings of my Malay male counterparts.

and yes, the stereotypes are developed due to certain sterotypical experiences. i am sorry those men taunt you like that. they shouldn't. cause they are not malay men. they are just clowns that can be ignored.

yoga :

Hahahhahahaha...the accent is just an accent babe. i don't know why its still strong though. aiyoooo...;P by the way, how was yanz and mods wedding? did you go? i couldn't my self cause i had a job interview to go to *shhhhhh...hehehehe*

pojan : i am glad you find me still amusing. ;P but yeah, those fallings can be assumed by any race, any gender. So to be singled out by such attributes is quite unnecessary, and not right.

teeklebone : and your nasi lemak. come here, let me belanja you my friend's nasi lemak. ;P sure you suka. hehehehe...

10:32 PM  
Blogger Muddy said...

thingsabouttogetveryinterestinghear :

from what you have written, it is clear that you will be segregated into the "New Malay Male" or the Melayu Baru category. Upper middle class, overseas graduated, outspoken, opinionated, religiously flexible...the stereotypes never end. and for this reason, some may reasoned why you won't be interested in the stereotypical malay female : too religious, too homebound, too manja, too controlling, too this and that.

but do have faith in Malay women as well. despite that some may have turned their backs on us, there are indeed other jewels in the mud.

foxybabe :

jom kita date?, i like. ;))

dade ghost :

i agree that for every action comes a reaction. its a basic principle of physics and also our lives. as for me, my reaction is that i am sad because Malay men will always be discriminated at, no matter the good deeds or achievements we have made. but all we can do is grow stronger and continue achieving...

acat :

it sucks big time.

10:42 PM  
Blogger Muddy said...

thinktankgal :

hahahaa...which part? ;P huhuu...*so bad so bad*

madnessinvain :

exactly pal! its easy to generalize because it puts you unattached and in a dillusional form of power to judge. but to understand individual circumstances and beings is much, much harder cause it involves connection, attachment, and the ability to critic ethically and logically.

chics :

hehehehe...i chuckled when you mentioned the sunat part. brought me back to age 10 all of a sudden. hehehehe...

shell :

i love hugs!!! gimme!!! ;P hehehehe...

10:50 PM  
Blogger Muddy said...

theroadie :

Muahahaha!!! ain't wearing no kilt man. too airy. hehehehe...

and yeah, i am proud to be a Malay male. Despite being the majority in the nation, i do feel like a minority (but don't let me get started on that...)

walk proud. stay strong.

sign, member of Malay Male United Front Shah Alam

the jamie :

really? sniff sniff...:(

teeklebone :

yeah, i knowwww. i have met both men and women who are capable to such characteristics, so the generalization doesn't apply to a certain race or gender. whatever it is, lets love in peace. ;)

khaylis :

its okay babe. out with the old, in with the new. and the better. ;))

and thanks babe. you're support really makes my day.

10:59 PM  
Blogger Muddy said...

aeyya :

ahahahahah...yeah, nasi impit sedap juga. dengan kuah kacang...aduh...sedap sekali. Muahahahahha!!! Yay yay, boleh raya sama sama. Yay yay! ;P

shobshob :

yeah, if there were such things as the perfect male/female, we won't be humans at all!!! Being human is about mistakes and becoming better from it. That's truly special. :)

pesa :

dude, dig how you used percentages in your explanation. macam buat research je. hehehhe...yeah, we won't be extinct. We refuse to be doomed to such biasness. We. Refuse! hahahaha

miss yy :

don't forget me to invite you to my raya open house. sure you kan feast to your hati galore. ;)

najmie :

lapar baca my post? wait till you read mangolisa's! ;)) and check out khaylis' as well. she wrote about the wonderful, delicious pancakes i ate this weekend. :))

11:05 PM  
Blogger Pah said...

dont feel despaired with these stereotyping of malay men. I have learned that men / women can be bad regardless of their races..most common behavious nowadays - "I see, I like, I pursue, I get into his/her pants/skirt, I cabut.."

look on the bright-side, least u know u r not like the rotten ones.. memang ada lelaki yg bagus-bagus out there, I haven't found mine yet.. I envy the women who found theirs..


11:26 PM  
Blogger Sports Freak said...

Everyone gets stereotyped into one category or another. So I reckon at the end of the day its up to the individual to give a shit or not. If you don't, being stereotyped won't effect your daily life at all.

1) I am not romantic? - i believe i am. I cook a gourmet meal for my wife on anniversaries and birthdays beside other stuff.
2) I am kedekut? - no
3) I am malas? - at times, isn't everyone
4) I want four wives? - no, i have one and thats enough
5) I am a liar? - everyone lies occasionally so do I
6) I am emotionless? - some people say i am but i blame that on my upbringing not becoz i'm malay
7) I am a cheater? - lets say i like to take shortcuts
8) I am perasaan? - vain, maybe
9) I am sex crazy? - i enjoy porn as much as the next guy
10) I am useless??? - i have a job, provide for my family and emjoy life

Now, does that make me a typical malay man?

12:45 AM  
Blogger thingsaboottogetvaryinterestinghear said...

muddy: in my life experience, i dont believe i've ever encountered a typical anything. and i've always thought that thinking there's a typical malay or typical black or typical woman was an archaic and droll way of looking at people.

this definition of melayu baru is full of praise-worthy attributes. even the 'religiously flexible' part. no doubt a complimentary term coined by people who fancy themselves distant from what they think are typical malays.

3:16 AM  
Blogger nais said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

4:55 AM  
Blogger nais said...

melayu baru is the word! hahahaha.. from describing their living rooms (filled with porcelain flowers and lacy tablecloths) to their attitudes. i really think we're all the same regardless age, race, nationality. a Malay arse with 4 wives could as well be an American arse with 4 wives.

it's just some intelligent malay women feel superior than others including other malay women.

i still love Malay men. well, any man with great personality, actually. not everything is boiled down to race. but to pass out on a man clad in baju melayu, songkok and songket? i think not! :D

5:00 AM  
Blogger silent said...

i have too many comments. and a lot of time at work to procrastinate. so i'm going to continue my saga of not-so-humble opinions on this matter on my blog. kalau you nak layan i - sila datang :)

9:50 PM  
Blogger CherryBakewells said...


i LOVE malay men. now i only wish they'd love me too.

7:49 AM  
Blogger EncikWan said...

it's not easy to find a diamond in the mud.. u try and see tengok.. i've tried and tried.. hopeless u know.. i rather go to surabaya and spend all my money and my future epf money there u know..
ha, i'm opening malay male united front genting highland branch.. first 100 members dapat trip pegi surabaya..

9:08 AM  
Blogger Foxybabe said...

No lah. the disappointments are caused by expectations. Guys, or girls. We have our own expectations. We want a perfect person.

Truth is, nobody's perfect. What we have to look for is a person with a bad habits that we can tolerate. We have to compromise. That is the most important thing in the relationship. Not loyalty, not trust.

Once compromise is achieved, loyalty and trust will suit follow.
No matter what races you are. It applies to anybody.

that's what I think. I could be wrong though..

5:30 PM  
Blogger EncikWan said...

i'm don't expect much from a girl.. just as long that she can love me the same way as i love her.. that will be good enough.. she don't have to be a rocket scientist or a master chef to get my love.. tak tipu u know!!

3:59 AM  
Blogger Mr. T said...

Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you!

discount cialis

4:51 AM  
Blogger Foxybabe said...

that's the wrong thing to expect. Sometimes when the other party doesn't do the things what you think you will do when you are in love, doesnt mean that he/she doesnt love you.

Tricky eh?

Maybe the other party thinks that they have done so much. but it's never enough for you...

The challenge: try to see from different views. Even I suck at it! Hahhaah!

6:51 PM  
Blogger Muddy said...

Stitch :

You will find your soulmate one day. Trust me on this. ;)

Sportsfreak :

Your comment made me realise that yes, we do fall to certain categories. But its not because we are men. It is because it is only human to do so. We all make mistakes, even the intelligent ones.

and yeah, that makes us Malay men. heheheh...

Thingsabouttogetvaryinterestinghear :

Things, i agree there are no such things as typical this or that. The moment when you categorise something as typical, you are generalising. But you got to admit that we all are prone to that habit most of the times...

9:22 PM  
Blogger Muddy said...

nais :

yay, you're back on blogland! heheheh...:)

yeah, i guess some people feel more superior over others, for whatever reasons they have. perhaps their world exposure, money and status allows them to feel so. but less, don't forget, that most of the time, their superiority complex is the result of the need to cover something they are lacking...perhaps, heart.

and hehehehe...baju melayu gets to you issit? esp on jeng jeng right? hehehe...raya must also be babe galore for you then. ;P

cherrybakewells :

How can they not love you? You're the sweetest thing around. ;)

irwan : and roads. never been to surubaya, but from the sounds of it, the women there must be hot!!! So, when is the next trip? huhuhu...

and yeah, i love a woman who can cook. i mean, a woman who is living the corporate world, and at the same time, can prepare delicious meals is damn sexy. DAMN SEXYYYYY!!! hahahah

foxybabe :

foxy, you sound like the lurve doctor. Remind me to holler you when i need some lurve advice. ;P and yeah, can you cook? huhuhu...

9:29 PM  
Blogger Foxybabe said...

Yup, I can cook. Provided the kitchen is complete with proper utensils; sharp knives and blender are must-have. Heheh.

Tapi, rumah sewa aku sekarang ni gile tak lengkap. tak best. So, makan luar leeeeeee....

10:11 PM  
Blogger disco-very said...

despite the fact that all stereotypes have stemmed from some sort of truth, they make people really, REALLY lazy. if you were the first Malay man that any of these lazy people would have met, they'd be wondering if you were Malay to begin with. don't worry about it dude, we're all suffering.

11:03 PM  

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