Monday, August 08, 2005

Open, Close


Keeps foodstuff fresh

When I was in second grade, Mrs Adams asked the class to write a poem for homework. "It could be about anything," she said. I remember snickering underneath my breath that this was going to be easy. A log in the fog, voila!

But, right after school, I instead ran around the neighboorhood playground, played Lego for hours at a friends house, and came home past curfew (that would have been around 6 pm back then). When homework time was up and while Ma yelled/preached in the background, my body ached and my eyes drooped out of pure exhaustion. Desperate for an easy way out, I decided to copy a short poem my cousin sent to me for my birthday, and submitted it as my own the very next day.

My teacher thought it was a brilliant piece, to the point that it got published in the school's magazine. When the magazine was out, I simply smiled when teachers and fellow students congratulated me on the published poem. But you see, behind that smile, I felt my insides chipping away, because I knew that I didn't deserve the recognition. If they only knew, I thought. Afraid of the backlash, I continued smiling and kept my secret shut tight, like tupperware.

Yesterday, I found myself smiling that same smile once again. To Him.

He pulled me over by the corner of the gym, and said, "I just found out that she also stole from my friend."

Ok.

"And basically, she was also seeing him," he continued. "But I am unsure whether it was during the same time I was seeing her."

I looked at him, and nodded. I even advised him to forget about it and move on. He smiled, and went off to carry more weights. I walked off.

But inside my head, all I can think is anytime now...

Anytime. Now.

24 Comments:

Blogger shobshob said...

all i can say is she's a bitch..

don't worry muddy, everything will be ok... :)

3:21 AM  
Blogger kepala_angin said...

alamak, cam drama swasta la muddy. i even found myself holding my breath reading whether you will spill or not..

*breath out, breath in..

3:43 AM  
Blogger Dade Ghost said...

Sorry la me blur a little bit here.... Muddy u r in a relationship and u met the other person in the same relationship??? Like a love triangle??
Wow!! Kinky.... a threesome... sorry just kidding...
If its me.... I just walk away... not worth it! But u r not me ok!

4:13 AM  
Blogger BJ said...

you have a ticking bomb here mate! some things are better left unturn. this guy seriously need to move on or he has no idea what to talk about with you other than her.

4:54 AM  
Blogger shell said...

i agree with KA.
Buat filem nih boleh laku :D.

6:25 AM  
Blogger silent said...

i hate to say it, but you are walking on eggshells...

forgive my pessimism, but worst case scenario, if he finds out and confronts you, what would you do?

10:30 AM  
Blogger Han said...

Maybe you guys could have a dance-off in the middle of Fitness first. Or a decathlon, for instance the first person to endure the collected works of DJ Tiesto in the RPM room, to decide who can have her.

Chivalry is on a drip-feed.

10:50 AM  
Blogger madnessinvain said...

My say lets do salsa. Dance under the rainbow.Forget abt it all and move forward.

11:12 AM  
Blogger A Babe Of Very Little Brain said...

he just can't seem to let her go, eh. lots of anger in him. let's hope for the best, for you.

4:31 PM  
Blogger The Yoga Instructor said...

Sorry for I have to say this Muddy, but my reiki instict says, he knows.

Just be cool dear, for it all happened in the past and everything happens for a reason.

6:12 PM  
Blogger teek said...

you just wait for an invoice frm you cuz - royalty on that poem, anyway..suspense la muddy ur entry.

6:25 PM  
Blogger Inn said...

yikes. this one keeps popping back into ur present ey?

Has he not recover from the break-up? or is he trying to justify something else while digging for more info on her? Would it help if he knows? Maybe, but i dont really think so. U take care sweetie.

7:35 PM  
Blogger asm@di said...

Can't you just come clean?

It's better now than later. Secret like this is like decaying corpse, sooner or later the stink will come out you know.

And miss yoga is right, i think he knows. 'Fess up jele.

9:58 PM  
Blogger Muddy said...

shobshob :

hahahaa...we all know she is. ;P huhuhu...bitter bitter.

kepala angin :

i think my breathing is disrupted by the haze. its really really bothering me right now. coughing and all.

drama swasta? muahahahah!!! gosh, is my life that pathetic? ;P

dade ghost :

aiyooo, its only kinky if it involves another girl, but this one involves a burly man loh. its just disturbing. muahahah!!!

i walked away a long time ago. so did he. but the fact that i went out with his girlfriend behind is back kind of bothers me since we are now friends...

10:22 PM  
Blogger Muddy said...

bj :

to think about it, a large percentage of the things we talk about is his ex (which is my ex as well. damn). he claims he has moved on, but obviously, he hasn't.

shell :

aiyoyo. buat filem based on this? talk about scary! Muahahaha...but kalau laku, make sure i get the royalties babe. ;P and at the end of the story, make ms jolie fall inlove with me. Muahahahah!!!!

silent :

gosh, good question.

hmmmm...

hmmmm...

run?

10:26 PM  
Blogger Muddy said...

han :

dude, i don't want her loh! she's booooo!!! booooo!!!

madnessinvain :

Hmmmm perhaps i am just thinking overboards. thanks for point it out.

yoga :

damn, you reckon? hmmmmm...

hmmmm....so is he just waiting for me to confess issit?

10:31 PM  
Blogger Muddy said...

teeklebone :

apparently, my cousin just called saying that she also copied off somebody's poem as well!!! hahaha...i guess it runs in the family.

inn :

a. it pops up because my conscience won't shut up
b. i don't think he has recovered because he keeps talking about it
c. i think he is also justifying that it was for the best that he broke up with her
d. i don't know whether telling him my secret will do any good. i think it will only act like acid on his open wound...

but even though i decided to shut, my conscience just wont shut up though...

asmadi :

you're right. this secret is decaying and it stinks!!!

how should i fess up?

"Guess what? she cheated on you with me???"

black eye, here we come.

10:36 PM  
Blogger SteLLaR said...

...his ex (which is my ex as well. damn).

Will it happen to me one day? Scary!

My 2nd knows about 1st, but the 1st doesn't. But if the 1st knows about me seeing the 2nd...I'll be the biggest bitch in town. Damn!!!

10:50 PM  
Blogger lola.xx said...

maybe now's a good time to take your cue from the suicidal ikea guy and eat your 28 packets of sugar

1:29 AM  
Blogger silent said...

you know, i think there is a good point made by the above fellow bloggers in that he really does know and he's trying to test if he can trust you as a friend - and a friend - would come clean...

see, i had a friend who once got with my b/f behind my back, and she confessed, and though i was mad, i knew it took more courage for her to tell me, so i respected her for that and instead of screaming at her, i thanked her for telling me the truth about my b/f.

maybe he needs you to tell, so he can finally let go...

so what are you going to do mudds? is the guilt trippin' you yet? or are you choking on sugar right now? :P

5:42 AM  
Blogger Pojan said...

i once passed off an article in reader's digest as my free essay. So damn lazy and uninspired to write one, so i just copied from reader's digest. But everybody in the class knew. So when the teacher was talking about my essay, everyone senyum2 kambing. hahah

6:03 AM  
Blogger Suara Dasar Hati said...

If he really knows, and he regards you as a friend, he wouldn't go beyond a black-eye (on your eye, take note) when you confess. If he's a real gentleman, he'll let it go. But I doubt he will la.

Up to you la pal. But...what he doesnt know won't hurt him AND you, no?

7:09 AM  
Blogger Muddy said...

stellar :

Hey, thanks for dropping by! :) yeah, the thing about my ex that dawned to me after our breakup is that she never learns; she's still putting herself in that situation. everytime when i see a new bloke(s) with her, all i can think about it is "poor guy, if he only knew..."

lola.xx :

babe, i rather be beaten up then get diabetes! Any given day. hahahahah...;P

silent :

babe, you're right. but you know what, i am not ready to tell. and i don't think i will tell, unless he confronts me.

yeah, that's my solution. for now.

5:28 PM  
Blogger Muddy said...

pojan :

Huhuhuhu...great minds think alike! ;p and seriously, i think everybody have done this in their life. if some people say "no, not me", all i can say is, "you're such a nerd." Huhuhuhu....;P

voice :

hey, long time no hear. how are you? as to your advice, true. even though i do feel guilty for keeping this a secret, its in the past, and it was between me and my ex. he has nothing to do with it.

so, end of story : won't tell.

5:36 PM  

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