Tuesday, June 28, 2005


Killing Your Own

I just found out that Raya is no longer going to be the same. And it kills me.

Ma called me during lunch time, crying over the phone that Atok Wan just lost the house.

What do you mean Ma?

For the past year, Atok Wan's only and younger brother claims that he has the right over the wooden house my grandmother lived in for over 48 years. In his bid to find quick fortune, he have "legally" claimed back his 3/6th ownership of the house, and told my grandmother to move out, so he could rent it out to some Singaporeans. According to him, Atok Wan should be grateful to him as he has waived the rental fees she owes him for 48 years.

How the hell can he treat his own sister like an animal???

Raya is not going to be the same for my family. And it kills me completely.


Atok Wan, how are you?

"Ok," my grandmother responded over the phone. "How's work? Hear that you are a big shot corporate consultant."

Hehehehe, biasa je. Tapi really like my job.

"That's good to hear."

How's living with Auntie? Ok?

"Yeah, semua okay. Anyway, this Raya, you won't be complaining."

Why is that?

"Because you don't need to use the old jamban kat luar tu ever again. Kan selalu complain that malam malam buang air besar scary? Now, over here, you can use the toilet kat dalam rumah."



Blogger teek said...

sometimes weird things happened in a family..which is..sad.

*raya tales - ugh!

3:27 AM  
Blogger A Babe Of Very Little Brain said...

i'm sure there are other legal means to get back the house.

pasal harta, keluarga pecah-belah. sad.

3:30 AM  
Blogger Dade Ghost said...

Yup, thats how mean some relatives can be. Well Muddy, its up to you now to ease the burden of your aunty. Even a little help will go a long way....

Good luck.

4:13 AM  
Blogger mangolisa said...

what an ass!!!
My aunt (my mom one and only living blood sibling - the rest half or step) didn't wait 48 years. In fact she asked me to sign away a piece of land less than 7 days after my mom died. My mom didn't want to sell the property to her before she died for sentimental reasons. None of us actually wanted to live near my aunt or my mom's side of the family. She wants to get the land for *friend firend* price so she can give it to her son and she was chasing me half the world accusing me of not wanting to sell the land to her when I acutally have sent the Power of attorney thing to my dad since that's what all of us (my brothers and me) did anyway. We just sign all the rights to my dad so he can decide what he wants to do with the properties.
Relatives are HORRID! I am happy to live so far away so I don't have to live up to their *expectations*

4:19 AM  
Blogger Pojan said...

Dude, that's nasty. What ppl do for money never cease to amaze me. What goes around comes around. Karma bebeh, karma. Maybe in the future, he'll get treated the same way by his own children or his loved ones will get the balasan ten-fold.

And yes, Raya will never be the same without the house. But it doesn't have to be bad. As long as you get to celebrate it with your grandparents, it should be fun no matter where.

4:20 AM  
Blogger nais said...

tis hard to believe money overpowers blood ties. but muddy, like pojan has pointed out, raya should be fun no matter where.. as long as you have your grandparents with you.

hang in there, dear :)

6:33 AM  
Blogger kepala_angin said...

what the *tooot*.. such an asinine thing to do. I feel your pain Muddy.

I can't even go to where my late grandma used to live, they've torned down the house when they took over the land, stupid people. I miss her so much.

7:29 AM  
Blogger shobshob said...

what pojan said is true.. baru padan muka nanti..

and yeah, don't be too sad ok? you still have ur grandma & your family to celebrate the raya together..

i really hope that this rebut harta thing won't happen between me and my sisters.. it really worries me..

8:44 AM  
Blogger shell said...

muddy.. *hugs* knowing that your siblings can do that to you must've hurt ALOT!

*Money is the root of all Evil*

Shoo away..

9:50 AM  
Blogger Pesa said...

Well, this is just one of the cases that i heard. Seriously,legal action is still considered not that bad coz if guys notice, Malays can sometimes go up to the point of 'berparang' between siblings/relatives when it comes to tanah of pusaka!!Like you said yourself muddy,some ppl want to make quick bucks, other don't know how to make their own money so they have to go after what other people 'left'.Anyway, 'home is where the heart is'...i know it's not gonna be the same without the place but at least your granny is still there...stay strong dude..

5:19 PM  
Blogger KaiserSoze said...

Sorry to hear abt your tok wan, hope you guys can sort something out for her.

things like this supports my hypothesis that mankind's natural state is evil and through our nurturing, upbringing and experience we can be otherwise..

5:20 PM  
Blogger Dade Ghost said...

Ooops sorry, not your aunty... your granny? Hehehe.... Well, be like me, find my own "harta".

6:10 PM  
Blogger silent said...

that really sux. your poor granny. where is she staying now? i hope she's feeling alright, well... the best one can feel in the situation anyway.

7:15 PM  
Blogger lolipicka said...

all this tanah and harta issue sucks. there's this malay saying which goes something like "fighting over a land that's merely sekangkang kera"
ok i'm bad at pepatah melayu.

7:50 PM  
Blogger Inn said...

That's really sad. I hope your Atuk Wan will be okay. I just dont get it still. It's blood ties. Doesnt that count for anything to some ppl.

Something like this happened to my best friend when his dad passed away. His uncle took over the family business and didnt even give one cent to my friend's family. His mom had to find work to support 6 children ranging from the age of 12 to 2 years old. Plus she had to pay out the 250k mortgage for that family business coz her hubby took the loan under her name. The evil uncle didnt pay a single cent till today. In the end his mom had to give up the house they lived in, n all other property they owned just to pay up the mortgage monthly dues.

Now they live in a setinggan flat while the evil uncle still enjoy the returns of that business. Sad thing is that he learned, he cant trust his siblings.

9:07 PM  
Blogger the jamie said...

That is far too much. This shows how insensitive [and selfish!!!] people can be.

I extra geram when people treat their own family like this.

9:17 PM  
Blogger Foxybabe said...

Dude, Im really sorry to hear that. Really. I don't know what else to say. I wish your grandma, your family, and you will be fine. ;)

10:16 PM  
Blogger thinktankgal said...

Geez....it sucks man! Family feud over family's property - simple sad man...Take it easy ok !

11:29 PM  
Blogger the kimster said...

Capitalism musang berbulu ayam!
This manusia at its worst just because (I'm speculating here) mata telah sedikit gelap sebab nampak the dollar sign (Singeporean Dollar, that is).

This kind of thing will shock you to the core, but truth be told, it is also becoming common. Duit anak yatim ke, duit zakat ke, duit haji ke, semua orang belasah in this world the keluhuran nurani tidak lagi punya makna, no thanks to the kehijauan Ringgit.

And this is the kind of world that my daughter is growing up in.

"Whatever happened to
the life that we once knew?"
(Free As A Bird)

3:23 AM  
Blogger Zetty said...

sedih, man...really sedih. agreed with pojan, what goes around comes around.

3:26 AM  
Blogger yanz said...

sedihnya... well that's the way the world works.. and in this life, MONEY (or harta) overpasses everything else, even flesh and blood.

my dad's siblings (some of them) are like that. rebut2 harta and all.

ermmmm we're not talking abt the yahya awal hse in jb are we? if we are, then demmmmmmmm! nice area that is, with nice wooden houses.

and i agree, raya wont ever be the same again. *sigh*

3:49 AM  
Blogger red said...

what goes around, comes around...

8:41 AM  
Blogger Vlad said...

Relatives are really horrible. I only see them once a year.

5:31 PM  
Blogger A Babe Of Very Little Brain said...

it's good that your tok wan can look at the incident positively. and yea .. as much as i hate having to traverse the dark nights and bushes to get to the latrine kat luar rumah and mandi air telaga, i do miss my uncle's old rumah pusaka, and the pokok rambutan.

5:51 PM  
Blogger Rostam78 said...

Muddy, I have been reading your blog everyday too.

What I was writing on my blog was meant for the xsmss. That blog was supposedly not just me alone writing. So I am waiting for articles from them.

Its cool if there are no comments. I just want some writings.

On your topic, I seldom comment because, I feel my comments will not be that good. CHeers. THanks for dropping by.

5:59 PM  
Blogger Foxybabe said...

kem salam la kat tok wan ko, ye?

7:17 PM  
Blogger madnessinvain said...

Tyranny of next of kin. Something in life we all should ponder. Muddy, the prayers are all with you. And your beloved Atok Wan.

2:06 AM  
Blogger Muddy said...

Teeklebone :

The day when I found about this, I was extremely down. I had these images of my grandma being literally kicked out of her home, and that made me really angry...

I loved that house. I know its just a house, but there's history behind it. I will miss the smell of Laksa Johor, when I wake up really early for Raya Prayers in that house...

The Babe :

It's really complicated; the whole ownership issue. Legally (as in Islamic practices), the only son does have a greater ownership of property than his sisters. However, the question is, why now? Why suddenly does he want the house back? His motives are simply cruel and ridiculous...

Because it was my Atok Wan who took care of the house for 48 years. If he wanted it, why didn't he get it back then?

I guess laws or greed don't take these important factors into account...

Dade Ghost :

Huhuhuhu...Atok Wan is my grandma lah. Anyway, after chatting with her, I realised that she is indeed really strong and quite optimistic about the future. She said, "I lost the house, fine, tapi I still have fantastic grand kids to love me." Awwww...hehehehe...

2:09 AM  
Blogger Muddy said...

Mangolisa :

I am so sorry to hear that you faced the same situation! And your aunt's justification to why she could own it is ludacris! If she knew her sister does not want to sell to her, apa lagi dia tak faham???

My Atok Wan also decided to willingly give up the property though, because she feels that its better to lose a house than lose a family member. She felt its better to wash her hands clean than to be tied to drama. For that, I have a tremendous respect for my grandma...:))

Pojan :

Muahahaha...karma huh? I know, but it's bad to wish something bad on the "other side" of the family. It's not them that caused the chaos, it's just him. All I hope is that he takes good care of the property.

You know what? I told myself to one day be rich enough to buy back that house. It's a old house, I know, but it's heritage and memories. I don't want to lose that...

Nais :

Hehehe...yeah, after chatting with Atok Wan, I do believe that Raya will going to be fun no matter what. yeah, we no longer have the house, but we still have each other right? The party rocks on!!! :))

2:17 AM  
Blogger adekmanis said...

Yahya Awal? My Pak Ngah used to stay there for about 20 years. Those government quarters with miny mossy shingles on top. Really cool neighbourhood. I've had many fond memories there :)

These kinda things don't just happen between siblings. When my granny gave away her property to all her 3 kids, my one and only uncle didn't pay a single cent, as opposed to her two sisters. When my granny said "Aik takkan ekau nak sambut yo jang?" he answered back "alah dulu omak pun nyambut yo gak". When my granny was close to her death, he brought her to the bank and withdrew all her money.

Then he used all of it to buy his medication and milk. His medication and milk. In my granny's dying days.

I hope he'll rot in hell.

2:30 AM  
Blogger Muddy said...

kepala_angin :

I know what you mean! My dad's rumah kayu was also torn down, and whenever I go back to my dad's side, it's in normal houses. It's just not the same: the kampung flavor was missing and deeply missed...

That's the reason why I was so sad when my mom's side's house was no longer ours...

shobshob :

Don't worry pal. It won't happen because I believe you won't be as heartless. Have faith in yourself. :)

Shell :

I know. I just hope that when my siblings and I grow older, our hearts dont grow into stones as well. Over money and property? It's definitely not worth it.

2:32 AM  
Blogger Muddy said...

Pesa :

Thanks man. :) But its my Atok Wan that is incredibly strong. My God, I love her! hehehehe...

Anyway, yeah, unfortunately, this is not the first time any of this perang over harta occurred. I guess when you are older (for some people that is), you are unwilling to negotiate. You get more stubborn and in this case, simply ruthless. I don't know lah: I hope he can sleep peacefully knowing what he did to his family...

Kaisersoze :

It's amazing who turns up when things are really, really down...

One of my aunties graciously begged my Atok Wan to live with her. Actually, she has been begging for my grandma to live with her for the longest time, so when this happened, it was simply natural. At the moment, my Atok Wan is enjoying her permanent stay there, as she is surrounded by her grand kids, who are learning perfect old English from her as well...:)

Silent :

Yeah, she's great. She's living with my aunt now, and now, she's enjoying jogging at the playground, hanging out with the neighbors as well. And she's enjoying the hot shower too (because the old house did not have one...huhuhu...)

2:46 AM  
Blogger Muddy said...

Lolita Lempicka :

Huhuhuhu...don't worry, mine is lagi teruk! Yeah, the house isn't that much. The land is quite small, and the house quite quaint. But there's so much history behind the walls. So many generations lived in it, so the thought of giving up something special like that is extremely unbearable...

Inn :

Oh my God! I feel so sorry for your bestfriend's mom! How could her brother do that to her? I seriously don't know HOW these people who snatched away people's rights, property and dignity could live peacefully. I mean, don't they know that what they are doing is wrong? Are some people that heartless???

In this case, I am happy that God created both heaven...and hell.

the jamie :

Yeah, I know! I was so pissed mad when I found out about it. Like trembling mad...

I was having all these angry thoughts about my granduncle, cussing his name like nobody's business. But when hearing that my Atok Wan was ok, I realised that to win the war is to win with finess, calmness, and kindness. Don't need to become the bad guy to beat the bad guy...

2:55 AM  
Blogger Muddy said...

Foxybabe :

Thank you for the well wishes! Yeah, my entire Johorean family are doing quite well. Life goes on, I guess, and from the way my Atok Wan carried on, life surely does...

And no worries, will defintely kirim your salam to her. ;)

Thinktankgirl :

yeah, it sucked a whole lot. it really put a dent in my family for awhile. hearing my mom cry over the phone is never a cool thing...

but a whole new episode of raya's awaiting. I can't wait... :))

The Kimster :

Yeah, money can drive anybody insane if they sniff it always. And I guess my grand-uncle could not resist the temptation of gaining some Singaporean dollars into his pockets. He is an old, old man. I guess his age got the better of him. All I can say is, good luck with God...

3:05 AM  
Blogger Muddy said...

Zetty :

I know...it's soooo sedih. it's a really sad drama which really happened to my family.

What goes around, comes around. I'm scared to what comes around for him though...

yanz :

It is the yahya awal house!!! I know, its really nice. I mean, how many of us have houses near a royal graveyard? It's spooky, i know, but sure as hell gives the houses character.

When I was a kid, I used to play hide and seek at the grave yard during Raya. Boleh tak??? Hehehe...

I am definitely going to miss the house...definitely.

Red :

Hey, thanks for dropping by! :) Really like your photography style...

Anyway, as I have mentioned to Zetty, I sure hope that he knows (and be prepared) to what will hit him in the future...

3:12 AM  
Blogger Muddy said...

vlad :

Huhuhhuh...apparently, I don't know him that well. I did occassionally see him during Raya, when he would stop by to try my Atok Wan's Laksa Johor. I guess he forgotten all my grandmother's kindness when he smelt money...

hahahah...don't say that lah pal. bet you have cool relatives as well. It's really surprising that when life gets really tough, a relative do come over and lend a hand...

the babe :

huhuhuhu...yeah, the jamban outside the house was SOOOO spooky. it was under this rambutan tree as well, and i remember doing the big one with a candle light when some of the rambutan fell on the roof of the jamban. I was like, FUCK!!! Mahahaha...penakut (and yes, the fact that the house was near a graveyard did not help...) hehehe...

Rostam78 :

Dude! What do you mean that your comments are not good enough? Aiyo, I welcome everybody's opinions and viewpoints. I welcome lah man! hehehehe...

yeah, i also do hope that your friends contribute to your blog. it's a cool blog to have.

3:26 AM  
Blogger shobshob said...

wow! your atok wan sounds SO modern! how old is she?

3:28 AM  
Blogger Muddy said...

Madnessinvain :

Thanks! The prayers are much felt and appreciated! :) By the way, my Atok Wan have always wanted to go to Turkey. Is it possible you can be her tour guide? heheheh...she's really awesome.

Chi :

Babe, where have you been hiding??? Hehehe...missed your blog and your comments lah. Huhuhu...

Anyway, yeah, there are gov't quarters there as well. Cool, are you also orang JB? hehehe...if you are, join the club (apparently, Yanz is as well).

So sorry to hear what happened to your grandma. I can't believe he had the heart to take all her money when she was dying. All I can say is, I hope he can bear the heat...

Shobshob :

yeah, my Atok Wan is quite modern. She used to be a nanny for this English family back then, therefore her English is spot on. She always correct the way I speak, and the way I eat as well. hehehe...

And about her age? Well, I don't think I have the right to reveal her secret number lah. Hehehehe...

3:41 AM  
Blogger mangolisa said...

nwo that you've mentioned Laksa Johor... can share the family secret recipe with me or not? I love laksa johor. But I don't knwo how to make it.

6:11 AM  
Blogger shell said...

Dear Muddy,

I think that your grand mom is cute :).

Secret Admirer (of your grandmom)

8:59 AM  
Blogger Zakiah said...

Haha..your Atok rocks!!

Hermh..yahya awal house?. Near the graveyard?..Kampung Kubur ke?.

Oh...this Raya would be my hubby's turn. We will celebrate it with Tok Non dekat Kg Kubur.

Orang kampung rupanya....:)

5:05 PM  
Blogger Foxybabe said...

Yahya awal kat JB tu kan?
Aku dulu duduk kat situ. Belakang SIGS, sekolah yang glemer tu. Govt quarters. Kawasan luas, bole guling2 kat rumput. Mmg best dok situ! Sekarang dah ada kondo je. Tak best gile.

9:04 PM  
Blogger elly said...

I'am going through the same thing situation as your Atok Wan now. Being adopted and all, never thot that your sidlings who i used to trusted with my life all this years gonna be doing this to me..

Guess its only money that matters now.. nothing else.. not even family.

11:54 PM  
Blogger BJ said...

it's same everywhere...families are just bizarre

my uncle tries to chip every single dollar from my mother and auntie by telling lies to my grandfather about us so that he cuts his inheritance to my mom or auntie even though my grand father has given few millions to him which is 90% of the entire inheritance

i just could be bothered...

1:46 AM  
Blogger Muddy said...

Mangolisa :

Oh wow, sure thing! The most important question is: how do you like the gravy? My family's kuah is really thick (full of fish meat), because we like it that way. I have come across more watery ones, which I think is not really authentic. Hehehe...

I will post up the recipe to you soon. Trying to pursuade Ma to share the recipe...heheheh...

Shell :

Yeah, my grandmother is really cute. Recently she did a whole makeover where now she's wearing jeans and pants, where before, she would always don in her baju kurung. Cool school! :)

Nutty Mama :

Hey, thanks for dropping by! :) Yeah, Yahya Awal near the kubur. Its the neigborhood facing the new Tenaga Nasional building. Ooooo cool, your husband's kampung is there too? How small the world can be! :))

4:55 PM  
Blogger Muddy said...

Foxybabe :

You were a SIGS girl? Woohoo, SIGS girls are hot! Muahahah...my cousin Jasmine went there, and I always secretly fancied her friends when I was a kid. Heheheh...

Elly :

Hey, thanks for dropping by! :) wow, I can only imagine the situation you are going through. Exactly how does property/money shares be divided with ones who are adopted? Does it matter that one is adopted at all? I wonder...

BJ :

Hey dude, sorry to hear that man. It sucks how some people can conive their way to money. They really do not have a soul, don't they? So sad, I can only imagine what type of karma your uncle will be facing...

5:01 PM  
Blogger elly said...

According to Islam, the adopted kids not entitle for harta pusaka unless their parents make a special arrangement / wasiat. Thats what happens to me but still guess that's why they say : blood is ticker than water. Parents dont have any kid of their own, adopted two girls , my eldest sister ( who is my adapted mum's niece, and me ( no blood relation) .

Adopted dad passed away, and my brother in law ( somebody who's went to the mosque 5 times a day, went for Qiamulai on and off)was appointed by him as " pemegang harta" since my mum is still around but in her mid 70's. But being old age, she hardly knows whats happening to all the money and the harta pusaka.

And now, after many years of silence, i asked for what is rightfully mine, but

My dad left me something, and m fighting for what is rightfully mind but end up in tag of war with the only sister i have .. and nieces and nephews who used to be closed to me, acting like strangers now..

And its all because of harta pesaka. Sad.

1:48 AM  
Blogger Muddy said...

elly :

I am deeply sorry that you are faced with this situation. I hope that you have the support that is much needed to ease this turmoil.

On a different note, I was just wondering: when exactly did you and your sis know that you were adopted? My youngest brother is also adopted, and we are just wondering exactly what age should we tell him that he is. Or should we not tell him? Dont know...

6:55 PM  
Blogger elly said...

Hi muddy..

i got to know about it when i was in standard 5 . Through my birth cert. Those days its stated there : Cert of Adoption of Tanah Melayu. and i remember me going thru the dictionary looking for the meaning of the words : adoption , when i already knows what it means.

Nobody dare to speak about it, tho i asked Qs but olny to be told to ask no more.

As for your younger bro, just be open with him, its the reality, and never to stop him from visiting the biological family..

7:33 PM  
Blogger Muddy said...

Elly :

Oh wow, I don't want my brother to find out about himself like how you did. I don't think he will forgive us for keeping something this big from him. But what my parents and I are worried is that he might get rebellious and start hating us. And we are trying our best that this won't happen...

Tell him straight out? How? When? I think if we tell him now, he's going to be depressed. Damn, its so complicated...

5:48 PM  
Blogger elly said...

Dear Muddy,

Tell him when you think he's ready. Be open and transparents with him with all the questions he might be asking later on. And always asure him that nothing's change, adopted or not, that he's part of the family and how much everybody loves him.

He might find it tough to accept the fact at the early stage but be supportive, always there for him.

Insya allah, he's gonna be ok.

6:05 PM  
Blogger Muddy said...

Elly :

Thanks for the credible and sound advice. I owe it to you. :)

10:58 PM  

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