Tuesday, January 10, 2006

When There Is One Too Many


I have noticed that the simple mode of transportation, more commonly known as the car, is used as references to sexuality and relationships. Such references are especially laced in music; for instance, R Kelly’s grinding ballad for a girl whom reminds him of his “jeep”. There’s also the common phrase of wanting to ride with someone all night long, which perhaps could mean an innocent night cruise, but let’s be real here. However, of all the references I know, the most interesting does not refer to the car specifically but what is found in the boot. And that is the spare tire.

The spare tire is kept at the back of the car for an emergency. When one of the four tires goes flat, the spare tire acts as a substitute, but only temporarily. Once the driver gets to the workshop and replaces the flat tire with a brand new one, the spare tire is automatically put back into the boot until the next hoopla.

When it comes to human beings, spare tire equates to the hidden girlfriend or boyfriend, mistress or concubine. However, unlike the car, there are those who have more than just one spare tire! The question is: why is there a need among those to have spare tire(s)? Is it because, like sneakers, having just one partner is never enough?

A good friend once confided in me that she is now in a stagnant relationship. Like the swamps. “Everyday is the same. It is a routine. Predictable. No longer exciting.” As such, she has been secretly seeing someone she met through Myspace. According to her, meetings have only just been drinks at Starbucks or dinner at Dome. “We never have sex though,” she said, “although I have thought about it.”

So you don’t love your current boyfriend anymore?

“No, I love him. And I know he loves me. But Muddy…”


“What if I am kidding myself? What if after years and years throughout the relationship you realize one day that he is not the one?”

So, perhaps in this case, having a spare tire is completely based on practicality. It is like having a backup plan. Sometimes, it is almost a plot. Because one fine day, a breakup materializes but you know you won’t be alone. In fact, there’s already a replacement next in line, which you later advertise as your brand new tire!

But yes, I know there are among us that do not agree to such concepts. Having spare tires clearly means: You. Are. A. Cheater mangkuk!!! It also means you have commitment issues, and/or have problems in appreciating what you already have. It is relationship sin and cannot be tolerated.

So how can you avoid having spare tires? Especially when your relationship seems to be on the rocks?

I am unsure with the answer. I am no relationship guru. But all I do know is that do talk. Do deal with whatever problems you have. Do try to put yourself in the others’ shoes. And try to understand why having a spare tire may not be the only solution.


Blogger Cosmic_GurL said...

I always had this debate with my guy friends..wht is considered cheating? Is having a drink with someone who think abt sleeping with considered cheating? Is kissing someone other than your gf/wife considered cheating? Hmmm...

5:40 PM  
Blogger 9 said...

reading ur post just shows how flabby i am these days. when i read 'spare tire', i at once thought of the 'extra baggage' around my waist. *sigh*

6:08 PM  
Anonymous a.z. said...

cheating, i think, is doing anything with another gender other than ur bf/gf without his/her prior knowledge...

with that definition, almost everyone would be guilty of that offence.

7:46 PM  
Blogger kepala_angin said...

i have a friend who had many spare tyres. the funny thing is that all of them knew there are someone else. so does that constitute cheating? *i also pening with her. hehehe..

10:02 PM  
Blogger Lin said...

Its really difficult to decide who the right person is. You kinda have to follow ur heart and then take the leap, and hope that it is your jodoh. Sounds like "are you nuts?!!", but seriously, I've been in the hunt for the right person thing too. Fortunately, when I took the leap, I found the right one. Not perfect, but right.

10:44 PM  
Blogger Vlad said...

People who have spare tyres are the people who cannot stand the fact that they are single, and always wanting to be in a relationship.

Either that or they drink too much beers.

11:06 PM  
Blogger elly said...

Two years ago,my close friend found out that the hubby being making trips to overseas with his gf. And yet she at that time was counting the days to give birth of their 1st child.

I was with she last weekend and she confessed to me that she's seing somebody.. And i started to ask myself, is she to be blame for cheating on him?

1:27 AM  
Blogger Halva said...

yes this miang married 45+ male with 3 children actually described it as "hari ni makan nasi lemak, besok nak try tom yam pulak......"


2:59 AM  
Blogger Inn said...

oo it'll start as a spare tire, but then slowly, u'll convience urself that what started as ur muse is really the LOVE of ur life. he/she is really THE ONE and you just cant let this one slipped thru ur finger although that was exactly how u feel once about the partner u're cheating on. or that was how also how it felt with the last person who was also ur spare tire but the affair juz didnt last.

sorry mudster. been witnessing wayyy to much of this lately. there's always the justification. ergh. just being a listener i get tired too.

there are no excuse for cheaters.

4:04 AM  
Blogger shobshob said...

i think nobody should have a spare tire. it's simply unfair to the other person.. i would definitely feel cheated and feels like an idiot for not realizing that my partner is having an affair behind my back..

the best way to prevent from having spare tire is to communicate more with the partner, and always try methods to make the relationship more interesting..

damn i hope this won't happen to me.. sob sob..

7:22 AM  
Blogger KaiserSoze said...

I learned it the hard way, spare tires in a relationship sense is akin to real spare tires i.e. they are only temporary/usually unsafe over long distance/sometimes smaller or with metal plates instead of alloys.

The key to any relationship problems is always communication. Been thru the whole stagnant marriage/spare tyre cycle...its the truth bro

9:46 PM  
Anonymous bach said...

i think communication is a way to it. but, what if there are things in your life that is yet to be fulfilled? and you are looking for it in any other directions instead or your bf/gf? because going to your bf/gf looking for answers, you might hurt his/her feelings, isn't it? our friend muddy did mention, that she admits she still love his current partner, but she is just not sure whether he is the right one. so, maybe she's experimenting with her own feelings? i dunno... is it wrong for person that is nor married (i assume, muddy's friend is not), to try other things? maybe by having a spare tyre, is one way for her to decide. i.m.h.o, as long as your bf/gf doesn't find it out, and get hurts, maybe it is okay. for the married ones to have spare tyre, hehehe... no comments!

12:48 AM  
Blogger sumpit said...


so true,
and the cycle continues.....

6:55 PM  
Blogger Desparil said...

i think cheating is when you do something with that someone(s) that you wouldn't want your partner to find out. or something that he/she would be upset about. think about it, you wouldn't hide that innocent cup of coffee with the gay friend or lesbian colleague.. would you?

if you're unsure about the relationship, you should talk about it. maybe take time out, just so both parties know what's going on. seeing others on the side.. definitely cheating.

7:16 PM  
Blogger Foxybabe said...

Cheating is the art of not getting caught. One doesn't exist without the other.

If you don't get caught, hence, ur cheating doesnt count.

But, for a successful relationship, the key is communication. If you are able to communicate honestly, openly.. about everything - your fears, your doubts, problems, then the trust will suit follow.

If you are still wondering for something better out there, then, move on. Just remember, nobody's perfect. It's not about having a perfect partner. It's about accepting the imperfections.

Also, bear in mind that your expectations is not the same as others. So, communicate to make others understand you better. He/she cant read your mind. And vice versa.

There's no such thing as soul mate. You just have to work on your relationship.

10:18 PM  
Blogger dudae_simboyo said...


muddy, why does things seemed more complicated when you table them? at least to me they seemed to be so, hehehehehehe...


1:47 AM  
Blogger [Is]landa said...

ur my favourite mangkuk :)

11:37 PM  
Blogger ailin...in aalborg said...

Tere's another kinda spare tire--the one that goes around the waist. I wish my husband would puncture that one flat!

1:04 AM  
Blogger muffin-top said...

i agree with you, when the spare tyre turns out to be "the one"..how now? life indeed has its funny ways to twist things around kan...i just hope it wont happen to me or any of us here..

muddy: why we only meet for concerts ah? movie kenot issit? =P

6:53 AM  
Blogger Muddy said...

cosmic gurl :

a. i think deep down we all know what cheating is. your heart doesn't lie...
b. everyone thinks. but doing is what differentiates...
c. i think i would get a good bottom whooping from my gf/wife if my lips lay anywhere on any part of another woman...kekeke

9 :

hahahaha...even that spare tire have relevance to this post. its like no matter how much you hide it behind a loose shirt, it still shows. ;P kekeke...


hey, thanks for dropping by. :)

i think what's missing from your definition is the word "intention". Meeting your friends of the opposite gender does not constitute as cheating because there is no "intention" to do any hanky panky. Chilling with my colleagues who are female is not cheating cause I have no "intention" to sleep with them. So yeah, i think the intention is what differentiates.

3:56 PM  
Blogger Muddy said...

kepala angin :

haiyoh, that's a soap drama in itself. kekeke...overall i think it does constitute as cheating. Because obviously, there's bound to be atleast one party that's going to get hurt in the process of this orgy relationship.

i used to date someone like your friend. i got hurt in the process...

lin :

wow, congrats! you give me such great hope that one day i will be able to find the "right" one as well. ;))

vlad :

hahahah...second suggestion is a sure method in having several spare tires man! :P

4:28 PM  
Blogger Muddy said...

elly :

i think in this case, when it comes to cheating, she has to. the fact that her husband is cheating on her, i think its her right to find someone else who loves her instead. but yes, it be best if she and her husband part ways. the core scenario here is her marriage and it seems to be weakening, exemplified by their cheating ways...

halva :

haiyoh, tiba tiba, nasi lemak and tom yam doesn't sound too good. lets just hope he bites into a fiery chilli padi and burn his tongue while he is at it. ;P

inn :

oh gosh, very very true here babe. the ability to choose and remain will be a bit difficult if you are convinced that both could be the ONE. i don't have any experience in this, so i really don't know what to say. but let's just hope i don't go through this predicament though, cause sure pening like gila!!! kekeke...

4:39 PM  
Blogger Muddy said...

shobshob :

dude, very wise words here man. who are you, the relationship sensei??? kekeke...and you point out a key solution here: work out the problems through honest communication. if that doesn't work, atleast you tried.

kaisersoze aka sifu :

i think the greatest thing a man can do is admit a mistake, learn from it, and do the right thing. as in your case, it's apparent that you exemplify these factors, and i think that makes you a wise brother! keep up with spreading your experience and good luck with your exams man!!! :)

bach :

hey, thanks for dropping by! :)

oh wow! your review of what ifs makes me question of what's what. hmmm...i really don't know. i mean, i have never gotten married so i can't really dispense solid views from that side. but what i do know is, if you want other things, it is only fair you tell your partner this, even if it will hurt the other person. this does sound selfish, but actually, it is the fairest thing to do...

4:50 PM  
Blogger Muddy said...

sumpit :

hey, thanks for dropping by. :) but hey, is it really a vicious cycle like poverty?

despairil :

hey, thanks for dropping by! :) you got really wise words here. can't agree more!

foxybabe :

hey, how are you? ;) wow, you got really strong advice here. but my question is: a) is cheating really the art of not getting caught, and b) is there no such thing as a soulmate?

a) i think yes, if the cheater doesn't get caught, his/her partner will not know that he/she is cheating. but i think that all cheaters know, deep in their hearts, that they ARE cheating. some are good at denying this and continue with their charade, but if you boil it all down to honesty, they know...

b) i believe that there is such a thing as a soulmate. sometimes even more than one. perhaps its because my definition of a soulmate is different. my bestfriends, for example, are my soulmates. even my brothers are as well. this is because they know me in and out, and without them, i feel my soul will not be complete...

4:58 PM  
Blogger Muddy said...

dudae :

muahahahha!!! really? hmmm...i think you got a point there man! kekeke...

ylanda :

hahahha...and you're my favorite as well. ;))

ailin :

muahahahah!!! go ahead babe, puncture! puncture!!! kekeke ;P

muffin top :

oooo let's go catch geisha!!! free this weekend? ;)

5:02 PM  
Blogger Foxybabe said...

Im great, thanks. Heheh. Sure banyak sangat tengok cite romantic comedy nih.

Ntah la. Very subjective lah this subject. Everybody's got their own opinion. And, there's no right and wrong. That's what makes it so complicated.

The answer to your questions are...
a) Cheating is really the art of getting caught. If someone's really good at cheating, he/she can make their partners really happy, and at the same time having fun with someone else. As long as the other is happy, it doesn't really matter. Rite? But when they do get caught.. jeng, jeng, jeng...

morally speaking - it's not good lah. u sort of lying to your partner lah. how can you lie to someone you love rite?

b) Yeah. ur definition is different lah. Heheh. Enough said.

5:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just have one thing to say : a liar or a cheater always forget whatlies he/she has told.
My uncle told me this when I was young and I have seen his theory proven throughout the years.Try it

11:49 AM  
Blogger Muddy said...

foxybabe :

you got a good stand there. :) and i guess where i stand, it is on moral grounds...

anon :

your comment reminds me of joe's song "stutter"! it's like, "i can see you're lying, by the way you're implying, stutter stutter, stutter stutter...". hehehe...

4:58 PM  

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